some favorites thursday – miscellany edition.

(I originally typed: misandry edition. because it is the end of a very long 2018 so why not.)

1 – 2 – 3 – 4 ?

countvoncount
ah – ah – ah

 

Imma stream of consciousness this post today.

 


 

this doesn’t count as a favorite…

since when is the green lifesaver watermelon? I bought my first roll of non butterscotch lifesavers in easily… I mean, when did they have the mini holes candies? because that long.

holes
1990. the last time I bought lifesavers was a hot minute ago.

 


 

 

but speaking of misandry (which is also not a favorite) – I had a whole ‘year of the woman writer’ in 2018. Not every voice was perfect but I’m OVER (over over over) boob-dimensional female characters written by men.

I got NO sleep last night because I couldn’t stop reading this book. It was ridiculous and as all over the place as this blog will be today. so it is fitting I include it.

Never AloneNever Alone by Elizabeth Haynes

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

(closer to 3-1/2 stars) I enjoyed this book, I stayed up until 2 this morning reading it, it was fast paced and interesting – but it was also incredibly frustrating. The men in Sarah’s life were atrocious, she makes terrible decisions, her dogs need leashes, her doors need locks. Beyond that though, solid storytelling with a likable, albeit infuriating, main character.

 



 

carmen

I look EVERYTHING up.

before the internet I was a big fan of the card catalogue, the encyclopedia, the reference book. I need to know things and with this glorious anxiety the more information I have the better – how often should I blog? how do I blog? how do I say no to someone who asks to be a houseguest? what is a triple net lease? how do I tell my coworkers I’m leaving my job? what is the difference between an LLC and a Sole Proprietorship? how do I start an art collection? what are the hipster neighborhoods in Orlando? where are the best brunch spots in Orlando? when will there be a Chuy’s in Massachusetts? what information should be on a business card? how do you name a company?

see what I did there? I still haven’t figured out how to tell all of my coworkers that I’m leaving my job at the end of the year.

I love this job, I love this company, I love my coworkers. But it is time for a change.

I’m starting my own company, staying in the industry I’ve been working in for the last 5 years. I’m taking January and February off, I’ve rented a place in Florida for 5 weeks, and I am going to bust out some strategy in the sunshine. (14 miles from the Magic Kingdom because who are we kidding?) I’m freaking the fork out. But I’m 42 and next year both of my kids will be in college, it is time to figure out what I’m going to do when I grow up.

at least until I become an archaeologist.

 




 

livingcoral
living coral. is it a color? a call to environmental action? the antithesis of the orange detritus inhabiting the white house? a reminder that the sun will come out tomorrow? am I reading too much into this?

everything is political. with the exception of, like, the president of the united states, he’s just a ruinous piece of garbage. Pantone’s color of the year was announced yesterday and even that announcement felt political.

From their announcement:

Introducing the Pantone Color of the Year 2019, PANTONE 16-1546 Living Coral – an animating and life-affirming coral hue with a golden undertone that energizes and enlivens with a softer edge. Sociable and spirited, the engaging nature of Living Coral welcomes and encourages lighthearted activity. Symbolizing our innate need for optimism and joyful pursuits, Living Coral embodies our desire for playful expression. #COY2019

I want lighthearted activity. Remember lighthearted activity?

 

 

brb, gotta figure out how to tell my coworkers I’m leaving the company at the end of the year…

xoxo

holidaying my feelings – why is there so much crap in my house? edition

treeatnight
we decorated EARLY this year and I’m not sorry.

It’s weird to get to a place where you don’t want anything. but I don’t. I don’t want a single thing. I have EVERYTHING I need. I have MORE THAN I NEED.  I am getting rid of things at a steady pace.

part of the particular nature/nurture strain of anxiety/depression that I inherited from my father leads to purging. I try to be very conscious of what I get rid of because I want to make sure I have art my kids made in kindergarten, or baby photos, or my husband’s letterman jacket. dad was a reckless purger so there are things from my childhood that I would have preferred to not end up in a dumpster while I was in college… like anything from my childhood. Ten points to the X-ers in charge of our entertainment, because I can at least have NEW things of whatever things I don’t have from my childhood. Jem? Good Luck Bear? A Vintage style My Little Pony? A fricking Zoom birthday record?! They exist again and I could have all of those things.

but I don’t want them.

hygge
tea, cake, making lists. some of my favorites.

so right, while the holidays approach, and Winter is Coming, and I really want to start getting my house renovated, and things are happening in my professional life that I can’t/haven’t told everyone about yet… I’m fucking stressed out. I’m also really fucking depressed. I said that out loud to myself in the car the other day. “I am really fucking depressed” and the moment of acknowledging my feelings for what they are… it helped. I mean, Wellbutrin helps more, but recognition is important.

and I need to get a dumpster which currently has me REALLY worried because I do want to get rid of every.fucking.thing. in my house.

I speak only for myself and my own experiences with depression but if I had to make a list of things I “want” or “need” for Christmas right now they would include: socks, a throw blanket or four, a magically clean kitchen and front hallway unaccompanied by the sounds of angry cleaning, new toss pillows for the couch, cake, dark curtains in my bedroom for naps, naps, for my house to smell like a Christmas tree, candles in every room, having the dining room table completely clear… chocolate. See’s or Phillip’s Candy House especially. The soft ones with fruity creme centers. Or a trip to Disney. But mostly I need Hygge.

Hygge-2

I want Hygge for Christmas.

xoxo

 

I only really like my cervix if I don’t have to think about it.

obgyn

Due to an atrocious OBGYN several years ago who equated every single problem I had with my weight I had a Soviet Era copper IUD that was old enough to vote. It wasn’t really Soviet Era, it WAS pre-9/11, and to be fair it voted Democrat but it still had to go.

The removal process 9 days ago was hellish. Hellish. I yelled at one point, out loud, and then started crying. I mean… she stuck a needle in my cervix. Without any warning. I don’t recommend it. It made half my face go numb and my nose bleed. That’s some fucked up reverse acupuncture FOR SURE. Leading up to this she had given me a prescription for something that was supposed to soften my cervix to make the thing easier, and in my defense the pharmacist didn’t mention that it was supposed to be inserted – the instructions were “take one tablet night before procedure”. Also it said “take with food”. These made me think that I should eat something and then swallow the pill. I was wrong.

I have a very high tolerance for pain. Like really very high. 36 hours of back labor followed by delivery without any drugs. Kidney stones without any drugs. An injection in the cervix without any drugs. rooting around in my uterus looking for a little piece of copper without any drugs.

The insertion process wasn’t much better, because evidently there are corners and switchbacks involved because it turns out that my uterus is literally upside-down and backwards and on its side, and in an entirely different building, the pathway looks like Lombard St, which isn’t something that anyone felt the need to tell me, the owner of the uterus. I said: “oh, so is that why I only had back labor?” and she said “yes, I can’t believe no one warned you”. My youngest is 18 so it’s been too long to be feeling THIS DAMN SALTY, but no, no one told me. Why would anyone tell the terrified 23 year old what is causing her pain?

Where am I going with this? I don’t remember. But today I’ve got a shiny new IUD, loaded with hormones that might even help with my The Shining Elevator style periods I’ve been having for the last 15 years. Which, coincidently had NOTHING to do with my fucking weight.

disneyholiday

and in case you’re wondering – once I get home and put on the most comfortable damn joggers in the WORLD (which yeah, I do think are worth the stupid high price tag.) I’m going to shop alllllll these feelings away in the form of Disney Holiday Decorations. (and vanilla milkshakes with butterscotch schnapps. #butterscotchberns )

 

(so much rambling about a suitcase)

my dad loves convenience stores, his dad did too. They’re open on holidays, some are open 24 hours, they all have news papers and Life Savers and their milk and bread are usually delivered more frequently than they are to the grocery store. Our milk ALWAYS came from the convenience store. I also love them, because I love fountain soda – and other than McDonalds, 7-11 usually has the BEST fountain soda. also I love snacks.

when I was a kid he’d tell me I could have candy if I could decide *right now* so sometimes I didn’t get candy because I’M THE WORST AT DECISIONS. Also, I love him, but patience isn’t a thing he’s known for. I get that from him too. I go from zero to WHAT THE FORK?!!!  in 6 seconds or less.  My lack of decisiveness isn’t Chidi level bad but I’m constantly second guessing myself. Anyways. I want an Away Suitcase (I love shit that gets hyped on instagram, and so far have not been led astray) Annnnnyways (again) They have these collaborations that sell out SO FAST and I want one of those but the next day they’re gone. So I have to decide that I 245 dollars love something split second and that is hard for me. I don’t think I 245 dollars love anything at first sight. But their genius marketing requires that kind of decision making which works in direct opposition to my anxiety.

I have spent HOURS researching what people say about them, does the Bigger Carry-on fit in a JetBlue overhead bin? (seems to) Does the battery actually charge 5x? (seems to) Do they actually fit all that much? (seem to) Am I going to be one of those people dragging a suitcase with a broken wheel? (seems not)

and during that time collaborations have come and gone. The one I’m saddest about I didn’t even KNOW about before it had already sold out. Endor (the green one) was MADE FOR ME. #returnofthejedi4lyfe

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 11.43.47 AM
fricking Star Wars Collab – ugh.

they have nine solid every day colors, but… eh? They did a collaboration with Dwayne Wade that included a WINE SUITCASE. Do I need that? no, I wouldn’t have bought it, but I DID like the Bigger Carryon in two tones of blue with a cool liner.

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 11.41.08 AM
sold out in a day. I put it in a shopping cart and everything (not this exact one, this is the wine suitcase) but I was in an airport so I figured I’d wait until I got home by which time… gonzo.

they even did a Minions collaboration! Would I have bought a 245 dollar thing to troll my children with? Probably not. But maybe… but probably not.

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 11.38.29 AM
hilarious

Rashida Jones did a collaboration. Her colors were good. That one happened before I realized that I wanted one…

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 11.40.13 AM
I dig the salmon color and the purple.

Which leads me to Violet. Violet released yesterday and is still available today! So now, like a jackass, I’m going to “zen of shopping” it and say… if it’s still available tomorrow I’ll get it. Which I probably won’t, because 245 seems like A LOT to spend…

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 12.23.50 PM
I think I love it, but do I love it because it is new and limited and purple reminds me of my grandmother? those actually seem like perfectly good reasons to love it.

and around.

and around.

and around.

xoxo

 

angry feminist rant Tuesday.

 

 

underhiseye
this great piece is by Val & Mani Art and can be found here.
I’m going to feminist rant all up in this bench. (I’ve been re-watching The Good Place)
only a forking douchebro gets into a fight after a reggae show because he’s too drunk. but by all means, let’s put that forking douchebro on the highest court in the land. I KNEW THESE GUYS IN COLLEGE. these were the guys who 1. didn’t smoke pot because it was illegal but got blacked out drunk and got into their cars. 2. they got kicked out of school for selling roofies. but school would let them back for a big enough donation! 3. they’d ask you on a date, get PLASTERED and would refuse to drive you home, you’d spend the night on their nastyash sofa and then they’d tell everyone that they’d slept with you. 4. They’d cryyyyyy as soon as you told them no, CRY. “I just needed someone to hold me, I’m so sad, I miss my girlfriend from Niagara Falls”. bench, call your mother. 5. These ashholes picked and chose their sins with impunity. Premarital sex? heck yes. Wear a condom? no, contraception is a sin. Fork off.
I’m SO ANGRY. I’m so angry that we’re still talking about this. that every single other man hasn’t said NO WAIT, THIS IS WRONG, FIND ANOTHER JUDGE. instead they’re on forking camera talking about “ramming this thing through” ARE YOU MOTHERFORKING KIDDING ME?!
While the church child abuse scandal is reopening in the public eye, rightfully infuriating Catholics nationwide we’re REALLY going to let this happen?
***Ladies. you gotta vote. you gotta get evangelical about voting. “have you accepted freedom and democracy as your personal life and savior?” because if so you gotta vote. vote. vote.
and don’t TALK to me about Roe v Wade. I’d love the number of medically unnecessary abortions to be zero, but not because of legislation! the best way to do that isn’t to start restricting abortion, it’s to start educating! it is to teach consent, and contraception. “ramming this through” so that you can finally win some moral victory about overturning Roe… you have no idea what you’re really asking for. Stop it. Be better. Vote better.
Screen Shot 2018-10-02 at 11.00.50 AM
I bought myself this shirt this weekend. (plus 2 others, one of which was inspired by The Handmaid’s Tale, and another that says Black Lives Matter more than White Feelings, Check your Privilege.) Their entire shop is amazing, it is female owned and operated and the women running the company and designing the shirts are 16 & 18!  Plus with every purchase they’re donating breakfast to the food insecure. I love this generation. We don’t deserve them.
xoxo
ps. I just this second bought this shirt also… it was too good not to.  You should get one too. we can be twinsies.
useyourvoice

No Favorites Thursday

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford has been testifying before the Senate Judiciary Committee today, I’m furious that in our names she is being put through this pain rather than just — oh I don’t know- finding a less problematic but still qualified nominee who doesn’t behave like he’s entitled to this goddamn job. and with this level of entitlement – think maybe he was a shitty entitled teenager too? because I do.

 

Screen Shot 2018-09-27 at 11.45.04 AM
so fricking cute, and I’ll wear a body-con but sometimes the week before you get your period you just need an empire waist. bonus points for making my pretty great boobs look even pretty greater.

I did shop the shit out of my feelings today – Torrid has a 40% off sale going for Platinum holders (people like me who shop the shit out of their feelings).  I bought three Emma blouses – I’m wearing one right now and I love it, I feel cute, I get compliments when I wear it and a thing I love about Torrid is that they make the same thing in different prints for women like me.  Also they are offering 4% back through Ebates today. Interestingly since I started writing about shopping I really slowed down my shopping… but sign up for Ebates. Since I signed up I’ve gotten checks totaling 1073.38. (Neiman Marcus offers 10% cash back almost all the time.)

So 300 dollars at Torrid later… I don’t feel better about things.

 

I think I need ice cream.

hotfudgesundae
Lunch! eating my rage.

 

also I just bought this. from here.

Screen Shot 2018-09-27 at 2.13.46 PM

 

xoxo

Three Favorites Thursday – distracted and anxious edition.

I’m waiting to hear if there’s a cement truck stuck in the mud of my backyard. We’ve had SO MUCH RAIN and they’re going to pour the cement pad for my studio today – and then the studio gets delivered tomorrow. And as of lunchtime, today has EASILY been three days long, with the first of those two days occurring between 7:28 and 9:30am. My right eye won’t stop twitching, which makes me think I need: 1. to relax because this isn’t my circus anymore. and 2. botox, because we all know I’m not going to stop stressing out, so the next best thing is just to paralyze those bitches into submission.

simplefavorI’m reading A Simple Favor, which I’m enjoying immensely even if the narrator is a HOT MESS. It is one of those “domestic thrillers” where no character is particularly likable. Our unreliable narrator is a blogger and a wannabe-super-mom who needs a lot of outside approval and I pretty much hate her and her blog and her writing style and I want to punch her in the face. So if you find yourself wanting to punch ME in the face you should tell me. I’m not likely to change my writing style though- this disjointed addiction to terrible grammar, loose capitalization, and incomplete sentences has been carefully honed over 40 years of desperately ignoring English teachers and refusing to diagram a single sentence correctly. Tense! Structure! Run-on! all the red pencil markings.

 

 

 

one

So today I’m calming my tits in my newest Thirdlove bra – I fricking love these bras. The lining is just squishy enough to keep things smooth, the straps are comfortable, they’re supportive, they wash well and they’re pretty. I have a few of them. (or 6, I have 6)  The commercials all talk about how women are racing home after work to take their bras off – this is not true in my case. I’m a bra wearer. I like them, I want the girls supported at all times.  Those cami tanks with the built in shelf bra? I love those for sleeping. Everything’s gotta be strapped in or I’m going to be cranky and then I’m going to sleep like shit and then EVERYONE will be cranky. I’ll make sure of it.

Screen Shot 2018-09-20 at 11.08.19 AM
it’s so pretty! 

Pretty sure this link gives you $30 off your first bra. Which is a pretty good deal. It also gives me $30 off my next bra. Which is also a pretty good deal.

 

 

 

twotwotwo

thegoodplace

HOLY MOTHER FORKING SHIRT BALLS, y’all. The Good Place is back next Thursday! (the 27th) Eleanor Shellstrop is one of my favorite fictional humans ever. She’s so terrible and flawed and funny and I really want her to get her shirt figured right the heck out. The first 2 seasons are available to watch on Netflix. The episodes are short- it’s a sitcom- they’re like 17 minutes of pure distilled 100 proof joy. The cast is outstanding, the storyline is stupid and wonderful and I love it.

Watching this show makes me feel better, it’s like a mini vacation from the worlds ugly bullshirt.

 

 

three3

Big girl pants! I’m in the dress version of Mickey Mouse right now – black and white polka dots with a scalloped v-neckline, red Tieks and a bright yellow necklace from Manic Trout. I love this whole outfit, it is fun. But most days lately I want to wear a pair of Wit & Wisdom AbSolution pants with a t-shirt (from Universal Standard), blazer and my Rothy’s. These pants are RIDICULOUS.

witwisdom

I know I’ve talked about these before – I’ve gotten a couple of pairs in my Trunk Club Trunks.

We aren’t allowed to wear jeans in the office but these pants are cut like jeans, and feel like the most comfortable pair of jeans- I love them. They’re even comfortable for road trips and flights and I might have worn the same pair of black ones every day last week. (I washed them, but only because I absolutely had to.)

Then this weekend I discovered that I own two pairs of the black ones, I’ve got at least 3 of the white, a pair of olive, some camo… I like finding them on Poshmark for WAY less than they sell for at Nordstrom.  You’re using Poshmark, right?

 

 

Here’s hoping the 2nd half of this day is only three hours long, and not several more days. I need Friday.

xoxo