30 seconds of honesty, library edition.

Y’all.

I think my very Catholic upbringing requires I own up to things immediately, so the past few months I’ve been feeling VERY guilty not telling anyone that I finally got a library card. I’ve been buying books for my kindle and there are so many on there I haven’t read- and that shiz gets EXPENSIVE. I’ve never really considered book buying to be shopping but it definitely is and right now if it isn’t paint, primer, brushes or boxes, I’m trying not to buy it.

A few months ago a friend suggested a book to me. (Daughter of the God-King by Anne Cleeland. Amazing. Read it!) When I googled it instead of the top result being an amazon link it was a link to my local library using the SAILS platform. Ten minutes later I was reading the e-book.

Since then I’ve checked out a book a week, downloaded straight to my Kindle.

amesfreelibrary — Ames Free Library, so many books I could owe fines on one day.

My last Massachusetts library card was from Tufts Library in Weymouth, MA. I got it in 1983, used it to read every single Nancy Drew book, and by now I must owe them thousands for the three books on the Red Scare and McCarthyism I lost in 1996. When the kids were tiny we would go to that same library often but I was always sure they would run whatever version of a Library Credit Check they had and would shame me publicly or fine me more than I could afford. (yay anxiety) We would go for story time, and to play on their amazing playground, and to read books there, but we never checked any out.

When we moved to Austin, TX I felt confident getting a library card. Certainly my debts wouldn’t follow me there, 20 years later. Certainly the long arm of the Weymouth Library didn’t extend that far. I think I owe Austin Public Library 3.00 for the late return of a Pendergast novel, clearly I am a repeat offender in the Library crime world.

I was hesitant to get another library card, to possibly restart my life of check-out-crime after 8 years on the lam, but the allure of free Regency romance novels was too great. I am a card carrying reader again. E-Books are a safe way to go, after a week they just take them back off of my device, I couldn’t forget to return them even if I tried.

There we are. I’ve confessed my library sins. I feel better.

Better late than never.

overdue

xoxo

3.5 dog years later, we are still at home

I found this quote today and Y’ALL, I’m in.

Yesterday as part of the GISH event I made a 20 second film of filling a tiny piñata with negative self talk and then lighting it on fire and this morning I felt like anything was possible.

I spent some time thinking about ways to have a Disney career that wasn’t necessarily working FOR Disney, I think being a personal Disney shopper would be pretty amazing. I could combine two of my favorite things – shopping and Disney. Annnnnyways, here I am. 44 and figuring out what I want to do with my life. Setting goals as early as I can is now. Inspired as HECK by the wisdom of Walt and crossing my fingers that October 30th sees us in WDW for some Halloween shenanigans.

setyourgoals

Florida – you are ON NOTICE. Get your shirt together, momma needs a Dole Whip Float.

and you guys, I’m going to make an effort to write with more frequency. I have been reading non-stop but I can’t be a writer if I’m not… writing. So- I’ll be back soon. There’s a pair of MASSIVE lobster tails in my refrigerator that we need to discuss.

xoxo

and then there were seven.

Nothing says “Confronting your shopping demons” like destashing your LuLaRoe leggings collection on Poshmark. (yes, another poshmark post!)

Last month I set a goal for myself – I decided to set July 24th as the deadline since on July 25th I’m going to have to put my closet on vacation until August 2nd. (I HATE putting my closet on vacation, while I’m very good at going on vacation I’m not great at BEING on vacation- if that makes sense.)

I’m $60 away from my goal. I would be closer but I bought a couple of things for the girls. I’m not shopping for myself but a $6 Ann Taylor Loft Dress in the Texas Tech school colors isn’t something I can pass up while we’re starting to get the youngest packed. Lots and lots of red & black.

But I mean, I’m going to MAKE that goal, and I’ve set my next one to start immediately.

I rented a house in Florida again for January & Poshmark is going to pay for it.

Something about growing up Catholic makes me feel like I still have to confess everything. I’m not sure if I want penance or if I want the community of feeling like I’m not alone in whatever stupid shit I’ve done. Poshmark and this blog are both very performative methods of confession.

So thirty seconds of honesty – I’m in the process of listing 20-25 pairs of leggings in my Posh Closet. I’m not doing the math because I very rarely paid full price but still. HOLY CRAP ERIN. I’m keeping 7 pairs.

Mea Culpa.

I keep writing posts and then not posting them. I’m not sure if it is anxiety or that I’m just boring the shit out of myself halfway through – but I do know I miss this – so I’m going to make regular writing a thing that I just do.

I want to write a book. or three, really. I’ve got ideas for 3 and I’ve started on 1. I’m very good at starting things, not so great at finishing and even WORSE at promoting things that I have finished.

so there’s that.

and yes, one is definitely a feminist manifesto for children about a flamingo, duh.

like I said before, my youngest child is headed to TTU in Lubbock next month. NEXT MONTH. no wonder it feels as if my meds aren’t working. that is FAR. my oldest feels far away and she’s at UVM and I can drive there in under 4 hours. what the hell am I going to do?

My husband (who I just remembered asked once years ago to be called Blevvins if I ever blog about him) and I haven’t been on our own since we were 23. I turned 43 in May.

it’ll be fun. but I’m going to need a coping mechanism that isn’t buying another 25 pairs of leggings or going to Disney. thaaaat feels weird to say. I’ll still be going to Disney, but the amount of Disney that I feel like I’ll need is incompatible with the fact that I’m still not making an income.

going on 6 months now.

hence the books.

I can’t be the only nerd to google “how many pages are in a children’s picture book?” “how many words?”

that’s where I am now.

32 pages, 28 pages for text.

xoxo

two favorites thursday, zombie edition

it is thursday, right? and no, I’m not really planning to talk zombies, it has just been a LONG time since I posted 3 favorites so it feels like I’m raising it from the dead. but speaking of raising things from the dead….

numberone

ladiesmcu

popular damn culture last week. between The Avengers: Endgame and Game of Thrones: Battle of Winterfell – there could be some, you know, raising the dead. kinda. but no spoilers. but the best parts of those two things weren’t even the big emotional moments – they were the BADASS FEMINIST MOMENTS. tiny tangential rant here – tell me that scenes with all women being amazing feels “forced” one more time. do it. (don’t really do it, I’ll stab you with a cheeto and then I’ll never talk to you again) Do scenes with all men being awesome “feel forced” or does it just feel like, I don’t know, EVERY GODDAMN MOVIE EVER? I’m willing to have badass women kicking ass feel forced until it feels normal. So hopefully those dudes will just stop crying their incel tears and start living in the 21st fricking century. Girls can run for president now and everything. Gee.

womencandidates

yesterday I mentioned a vision board and now I’m OBSESSED with having one. but more than wanting another physical thing in my life – knowing what my end goal is is incredibly helpful. at least with the peripheral things – the giving things away, the selling things, the not acquiring new things. The actual WORK, though? how to get there? scaring the shit out of me right now and also confusing me a fair bit. I am a little bit afraid that Local Solutions isn’t going to be the pathway to prosperity that I was hoping it would be. I might have spent most of today crying about it.

But the point- the vision board and Disney. the point was Disney, the point is always Disney. People make a living doing things that highlight their love of fricking Disney. How? I want to do that! How do you get from “I love Disney” to “I sell monthly boxes full of Disney Park Snacks for 60$ each”? It is genius. Because you know what you have to do to be able to sell park snacks every month? GO TO THE PARKS! genius. and I know Disney is trying to curb the Personal Shoppers but consider that as well – people are Personal Disney Shoppers. What the hell am I even doing with my life?! Not being a Personal Disney Shopper, that’s for sure.

Which brings us to…

rosegold2

there is a badass tattoo artist who is also a vintage style pinup jedi who specializes in DISNEY. FRICKING. TATTOOS.

AND. and. she (SHE!) puts hidden Mickeys in them.

so that goes on the bucket list immediately. look at her work. look at it! ugh. there are talented artists all over who could give me a great Disney tattoo but she GETS IT. because she loves Disney too. you can tell. also she has a giant tattoo of Walt on her upper arm.

Screen Shot 2019-05-02 at 6.29.41 PM

go follow her on instagram. https://www.instagram.com/missmaelaroux/

and I’ll be honest, I cried so many times today I forgot what the third thing was supposed to be. so I’m going with two favorites this week. and considering that it has been MONTHS since my last three favorites post — two will have to do.

xoxo

shopping my feelings – a quick hit for my vision board

Ok I don’t have a vision board but if I did *Live Near Disney* would be on there, just after *pay for the kids’ college* and *write a book*.

I got distracted by a Johnny Was dress. If I could be a style of clothing it would be whatever Johnny Was is. Lots of black with very interesting and beautiful details in brilliant colors- usually embroidered. Anyways- this is the dress.

I went so far as to put it in a shopping cart. Then I closed the window because who am I kidding?

Then I went to Facebook where it showed up in my sponsored advertising. Thanks for that.

And the next thing I saw was this cake from Hollywood Studios which is turning 30 today. And I thought, if I lived there I could go eat this today. (That was my favorite part of the 5 weeks I spent there this winter- the instant gratification was spectacular.)

And then (all of this happened in about 7 minutes.) I took that awesome dress out of the shopping cart and took another 15 things out of my closet to put on poshmark.

For the last 2 weeks I’ve been working on a poshmark tutorial for you, it is coming. I am easily distracted, and lately have been incredibly anxious. Like Xanax & cbd chocolates at the same time, anxious.

In related news- I think I need a vision board.

What would you put on yours? Do you already have one? Teach me your ways.

xoxo

not shopping my feelings, stream of consciousness edition

If you’re ever sitting with me at a party or a dinner and I’ve had a couple of drinks and I’m rambling and nervous it will sound exactly like this:

I’m not shopping for things I don’t need, I would ordinarily also say “No Target” but I’ve been finding that my grocery store is really anxiety inducing for me right now, so I’m doing my grocery shopping at Target as well. So – I went to Target with a list this morning and bought ONLY the things on my list, I picked up Oreos and PUT THEM BACK because they weren’t on my list, it’s bullshit, next time I’m putting Oreos on the list. Last night I had to order some new earplugs and I felt a little weird about it, but I love my husband and want to stay married while also valuing my sleep and what is left of my sanity so… $6.49 at Amazon later… if you love a snorer I can’t stress enough how amazing these are. When I flew Mint on JetBlue they gave me a little pouch with some treats for my flight and they included a pair of these earplugs, (also socks, an eye mask, a toothbrush, toothpaste, face spritz and hand lotion) I hoard the earplugs like gold but I’m on my last pair so… I should also note that I’m really good at snoring, so when I travel I always make sure to bring them for anyone who might get stuck sleeping near me. is this a weird thing for me to recommend? probably, but this is the glamorous on-brand shit you come here for, right?

earplugs!

sugar scrub!

Sidenote that is a little more glamorous and also available on Amazon- I just noticed how good I smell and this stuff (Lalicious Sugar Kiss Sugar Scrub) is AMAZING – I smell like the Confectionary at Disney World and it helps my winter skin SO MUCH. My feet are smooth, in March!, it’s unheard of. I usually feel like I’m mid-mummification in the winter. (it is still very winter here) The downside is it makes my shower very slippery – so keep a bottle of shower cleaner to spray the floor with when you get out of the shower. it is 40$, which is a lot for a thing you’re going to use in the shower, but I think it is worth it.

I keep a note on my iphone with a list of things I’d like to blog about, obviously Disney stays on there at #1, because it is the source of all happiness. (for me, your mileage may vary, in which case you might want to get your mileage checked.) But this ‘not shopping’ experiment is also up there- as is selling on Poshmark – in fact “Poshmark to Disney” is #6. Our youngest daughter and her whole school music department is going to Disney World for a series of performances in April, so Dave & I are going too. That trip is already paid for – but I have another scheduled for October and I’m challenging myself to pay for that trip using the Poshmark decluttering process. It is pretty motivating. It is also keeping me honest about the shopping cessation.

you know what ISN’T helping with the shopping cessation? Rothy’s. I got an email from them earlier with a $20 discount code in it (which is AWESOME, because their shoes are my favorite, bit I’m not shopping right now!) and then about 20 minutes later I get this email…

I have an appointment with a lawyer on Wednesday to get the ball rolling on my new company! I feel nauseous I’m so nervous. it is like I’ve been out of work forever – and while I am LOVING being here when G leaves for school and being here when she gets home, and getting to spend last week hanging out with K while she was home on spring break, and being able to sleep until 7 and spending most of my day without shoes on… this is the first time since I was 20 that I haven’t made a regular check. And I know that starting my own company – it’ll be a good while yet before my checks are regular… but I’m ready to get started. And I don’t have a location so… I’ll be able to work barefoot for a little bit longer. and if I’m barefoot I don’t even NEED new Rothy’s. right?

(sometimes *I* count the number of times *I’ve* said *I* and *I* get real self conscious about it… *I’m* not this interesting.)

ugh. Let’s talk about Shrill soon.

xoxo

Selling my shopped feelings. KonMariePoshmarkCBD edition.

I am entering my third month without a salary – which is FINE – which is something I prepared for – which is something I signed up for – BUT. I’m still freaking the fork out pretty much 24/7. So that, combined with Marie Kondo, blah blah blah. I’ve never watched an episode of the show, I’ve never read a page of the book, but I DID stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night, AND, I watched a video on how to fold t-shirts, so I feel like I’m an expert.

Let’s get started.

I am a big big fan of purging things. I might like getting rid of things more than I like getting new things, which is good because my house and my anxiety are at peak shirt right now. also peak shit.

Screen Shot 2019-03-04 at 12.28.04 PM — Shop my closet! I have excellent taste and limited space.

which brings us to Poshmark. which was once a place where I looked for 90’s tennis sweaters (don’t judge me, those things were hella cute.) but is now a place where I sell all of the shirt that doesn’t spark forking joy. every morning after I wake up I put a couple of things in my “closet”. it makes me feel as if I’m accomplishing something, and it is an excellent reminder each day to STOP BRINGING THINGS INTO THE HOUSE OHMYGODERINJUSTSTOP. Plus I’ve sold some stuff so… ka-ching. (here’s the link to my closet!)

and let’s be real fricking honest, I need that reminder because acquiring things is so fun. I need a hobby. I have a hobby. I need to get to work. I should have some plans and some direction in that regard by the end of next week.

I have to buckle down, and start busting my ass to become the person who has a very successful business and a great condo with a pool in Florida. I can see her, she DOESN’T SHOP UNLESS SHE NEEDS A THING. (I don’t make new year’s resolutions, but if I did, that would be a good one.)

She did, however, order herself some CBD oil because she needed that shit. Currently I’ve got a tin of Bang Bang Chocolate CBD Dream Drops and I LOVE those, they are hecking awesome. You should get some, you won’t regret it at all. Hotel San Jose in Austin has them as part of their mini-bar. One day I want to be as cool as that mini-bar. But, I am not going to walk around with a tin of chocolate in my purse all the time (which feels funny to say, because why the heck not?!) so I ordered some oil. We’ll see. I’m optimistic and trying not to use xanax as a regular crutch. so I’m getting a new regular crutch, duh! I can only work on like 17 things at a time, and getting to the root of my anxiety and finally dealing with it will have to wait.

so that’s where I am on this snowy monday. do you use poshmark? link your closet so we can promote one another!

xoxo

I have 4 nights left in Disney. And no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.

a glorious month of sunny, sugary, delicious, friend-centric, disney, disney, disney, disney, disney comes to an end on Saturday morning when my husband – who I miss so much, and I, drive home.

I have wanted to blog this entire experience, but it all feels so braggy- and I’m not trying to brag, or to gloat, or to rub anything in anyones’ faces- and so I’ve kept my adventures pretty much on the DL. (until now I guess because no man is an island, or something…) I have been INSANELY LUCKY. I have (had? had.) a financial situation that allowed these once-in-a-lifetime shenanigans, I have a husband who is so fricking cool and who takes my crazy ideas in stride, my kids are old enough to handle my extended absence, and I found myself without a job, but with enough money to do something crazy stupid fun.

so here I am, with my giant sliding door open to a body of water posted with a sign about not touching the alligators and watching out for poisonous snakes, the sun was brilliant all day, it has been the warmest day since I got here, I finished reading my first book of vacation and started my second- which I plan to finish tonight while the State of the Union is going on. Feel free to text me when I should take a drink. I’ll open a bottle of rosé.

thirty seconds of honesty – I didn’t watch the super bowl this year. I’m feeling conflicted about football and it’s racism and the exploitation of black athletes and the brain damage it inflicts and I love my sports teams but I wasn’t feeling it this year.

what I *am*, however, is in Disney World. where Tom Brady and Julian Edelman were yesterday. with Mickey Mouse. on a parade float that shot confetti. so OBVIOUSLY I had to go to that, and it was awesome.

I highly recommend living in Disney World – it is the shit. a couple of weeks ago a new frozen drink came out in Norway, I read about it online and the next day I was drinking it. 10/10 would recommend.

IMG_9285 (1) — Troll Cream – dragon berry rum, cranberry slush, whipped cream. I think I’ll have another one tomorrow.

part of my thinking behind this whole vacation was to see if I would get tired of Disney. the answer is no. I would like to live here all the time please. I’m not good at a lot of things, but I am really forking good at Disney. making that a career somehow would be ideal, whatcha got? I need ideas.

here are some photos.

stoppit. my sister came to visit and we met Edna FRICKING Mode. and she loved me, because we are twins. obvi.

my oldest daughter drove down with me, two of my besties just spent last weekend with me, my sister came for a week – we met Edna Mode, and went to Gasparilla, and did an after hours party.

in the last month I’ve been able to attend After Hours events in the 3 parks where they are available – and they are AMAZING. you get the park to yourself, which is pretty much the dream, right?

empty Magic Kingdom for the After Hours event.

I don’t even remember where I was going with this – and I ALREADY want to write another whole thing about more of the fun things I have been able to do. We’ll see.

I’ve got to go find some dinner, and then I have to find a warehouse space, and an inventory, and a plan for the next phase of my life that will allow me to pay for my kids to go to college and maybe one day to be able to retire to Florida with my cute husband. nbd.

xoxo

Midnight Margaritas were just the beginning

a little note on 8/28/2020. I wrote this January 25th 2019. thought I’d published it, hadn’t published it… like it. want it included in the record. still haven’t seen Birdbox, still have rose gold polish on my toes, still worry about what people who are not thinking of me think of me, still have all the furniture.

a friend of mine on facebook posted a meme with a quote from one of my favorite favorite movies– *Practical Magic*. I love this movie, I love pretty much everything Sandra Bullock does, I haven’t seen BirdBox yet, I’ve been by myself in a strange place on and off for the last 3 weeks so I’m trying to stay away from things that are scary until I’m back home.

so, right now I’m in Florida, in a sweet rented townhouse outside of Walt Disney World – we did the math- 29 nights at this house cost what 8.7 nights in a normal room at The Boardwalk would cost. I wasn’t sure how I was going to like staying off property but I LOVE IT. I even three favorites love it. I love anything that allows me to Disney for a month. plus, this house is GREAT.

the original idea behind this rental, and being here for this length of time, was to see if I could LIVE here. if I could see myself in this area for more than a long weekend, if I could work here, and find a spot for brunch, and what my relationship to Disney would be like. So yes, yes, yes, yes, and still awesome. I went to epcot for a couple of hours on Wednesday, today I really want a cinnamon roll and I need a pirate tee for gasparilla so Julie and I are going to the Magic Kingdom when I finally have my shit together, and there have been days where I haven’t felt like going to the parks – the best Target I’ve ever been in is down the street from me. Floridians are shitty drivers but I lived in Austin, and they drive like shit in Austin also. (I know, says the girl from Massachusetts)

PLUS – there’s a Chuy’s AND I heard yesterday that they’re putting in an Alamo Drafthouse. I just need my family here and then all of my favorite things in the world are right here.

So- 7 year plan to purchase a place here, something exactly like this condo. Two stories, multiple living spaces, GIANT KITCHEN ISLAND, tiny baby pool.

But Erin, aren’t you like 6 weeks from starting a whole new company in MA? Why yes, yes I am. And maybe I’m hoping that it kicks so much ass that in 10 years somebody wants to buy me out, or I can operate it from anywhere- even better!

none of this was the point though! Practical Magic was the point!

practicalmagic

so last night as I was walking around at epcot, wearing my awesome new Mickey Mouse Club varsity jacket – feeling a little silly for buying it – wondering if I’ll be able to wear it in MA, wondering if I made a mistake getting it – realizing I KINDA LOVE IT and that I wish I didn’t care as much what the fuck other people think of me.

and that is where I am right now, in 2019 I’m going to work on caring less about what the fuck other people think of me. ESPECIALLY people who don’t know me, and aren’t thinking of me anyways, they’re putting on me the weird issues they have about themselves, and I have my OWN ISSUES thankyouverymuch, I don’t need theirs, or yours, or really mine, but one thing at a time.

So. I love this jacket. when I was a kid I somehow managed to find reruns of The Mickey Mouse Club, and we didn’t really have TV so I thought that Annette and the gang were my contemporaries and OHMYGOD I wanted to be in the Mickey Mouse Club SO badly. and now I have this sweet sweet jacket. so, yay!

varsityjacket

and ok, it IS red, and I do wear black but it looks cute with black, and blue jeans, and I like it. so shut up, inner monologue. it sparks all the fuckin’ joy.

So there it is, I’mma look a fool in 2019 and I’m going to be happy and smile in pictures and paint my toenails black and I don’t give a shit what people think about that.

I’m ALSO going to start letting go of the things in my life that I didn’t choose to be there, 7 years ago I wrote a blog post about getting rid of family antiques guilt – and since then I seem to have acquired an entire house full of them! I didn’t buy any of my own furniture, it was in the house when I moved in and it was part of the package when we bought it last year… I love and miss my grandparents fiercely, and with the exception of their dining room table – for heart of the home, family meals and memories reasons – I don’t want their furniture! So if anyone out there has a collection of Hitchcock furniture and you’re missing any pieces, hit me up, I probably have them.

but for now, I have 15 days left in my mini-retirement, I need to go get stuff to make jello shots and I’m pretty sure there are Midnight Margaritas in my near future.

xoxo

scratching my feelings. new year same me edition.

turns out that not working hasn’t cured my anxiety. I didn’t think it would, I don’t have a paycheck right now and that’s stressful, I have a massive trade show to go to next week and THAT is stressful, I don’t have business cards, my company isn’t actually incorporated yet, I didn’t bring businessy clothes with me on this trip…

I napped for a solid 4 hours today but since I woke up my watch has told me to start concentrating on my breathing at least three times.

coloring for stress relief seems like a good idea until I sit down with my tin of sharpened pencils and my very elaborate coloring book patterns. then I remember that a giant part of my anxiety is DEFINITELY related to decision fatigue and having to choose colors, and a pattern, and making sure I don’t screw up the pattern or make sure that the colors that will eventually meet up aren’t going to clash or be too close or, or, or… does anyone want any coloring books? because I have a few I will NEVER use.

enter Facebook targeted advertising.

screen shot 2019-01-12 at 8.56.22 pm

magic fricking scratch-off art. it’s like color by number but by subtraction. and it is calming and therapeutic as heck. my oldest daughter and I took a road trip last week and I brought two of these sets and every night we worked on one for about an hour before bed and it was everything you want in a mindless activity without any potential frustration. losing puzzle pieces? no. decided on burnt sienna only to realize that your mandala looks like a mustard spill? no. lost your scissors? realized you don’t know how to cross stitch? keep stabbing yourself with a needle? threw away the cord for your sewing machine? artistic collage ransom notes frowned upon? never learned how to make friendship bracelets?

get one of these sets. you’ll be so glad you did. (that’s a link to get it on Amazon, it comes with the scratchy tool and a brush)

caveat – it does make a little bit of a black speckly mess but a clorox wipe and a paper towel and you’re good to go.

unrelated to the scratching art – but certainly related to the anxiety… I wrote SO MANY THINGS during my last week or two of work- (they threw me a taco party! I wore jeans every day!) but never posted any of them – it was a tough couple of weeks for me. I loved that job and those coworkers and that company. I had been prepared to make that job the rest of my working life and very quickly with little time to adjust, that entire plan was changed. so now I’m scratching my way to Plan B. literally, figuratively, emotionally… like the hot mess I am. but for now I’m hiding out regrouping in my villains lair. -which is actually a great little townhouse in central Florida with my own tiny pool- I’ll tell you more about it next time.

in the meantime I’m going to question the life choices which led me to decide against buying a couple of bottles of wine while I was at Target earlier today. their target has a straight up liquor store in it! never mind wine – I could be having a vodka tonic right now.

xoxo