I have 4 nights left in Disney. And no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.

a glorious month of sunny, sugary, delicious, friend-centric, disney, disney, disney, disney, disney comes to an end on Saturday morning when my husband – who I miss so much, and I, drive home.

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I have wanted to blog this entire experience, but it all feels so braggy- and I’m not trying to brag, or to gloat, or to rub anything in anyones’ faces- and so I’ve kept my adventures pretty much on the DL. (until now I guess because no man is an island, or something…) I have been INSANELY LUCKY. I have (had? had.) a financial situation that allowed these once-in-a-lifetime shenanigans, I have a husband who is so fricking cool and who takes my crazy ideas in stride, my kids are old enough to handle my extended absence, and I found myself without a job, but with enough money to do something crazy stupid fun.

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the sky today.

so here I am, with my giant sliding door open to a body of water posted with a sign about not touching the alligators and watching out for poisonous snakes, the sun was brilliant all day, it has been the warmest day since I got here, I finished reading my first book of vacation and started my second- which I plan to finish tonight while the State of the Union is going on. Feel free to text me when I should take a drink. I’ll open a bottle of rosé.

thirty seconds of honesty – I didn’t watch the super bowl this year. I’m feeling conflicted about football and it’s racism and the exploitation of black athletes and the brain damage it inflicts and I love my sports teams but I wasn’t feeling it this year.

what I *am*, however, is in Disney World. where Tom Brady and Julian Edelman were yesterday. with Mickey Mouse. on a parade float that shot confetti. so OBVIOUSLY I had to go to that, and it was awesome.

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I highly recommend living in Disney World – it is the shit. a couple of weeks ago a new frozen drink came out in Norway, I read about it online and the next day I was drinking it. 10/10 would recommend.

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Troll Cream – dragon berry rum, cranberry slush, whipped cream. I think I’ll have another one tomorrow.

 

part of my thinking behind this whole vacation was to see if I would get tired of Disney. the answer is no. I would like to live here all the time please. I’m not good at a lot of things, but I am really forking good at Disney. making that a career somehow would be ideal, whatcha got? I need ideas.

here are some photos.

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stoppit. my sister came to visit and we met Edna FRICKING Mode. and she loved me, because we are twins. obvi.

my oldest daughter drove down with me, two of my besties just spent last weekend with me, my sister came for a week – we met Edna Mode, and went to Gasparilla, and did an after hours party.

in the last month I’ve been able to attend After Hours events in the 3 parks where they are available – and they are AMAZING. you get the park to yourself, which is pretty much the dream, right?

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empty Magic Kingdom for the After Hours event.

I don’t even remember where I was going with this – and I ALREADY want to write another whole thing about more of the fun things I have been able to do. We’ll see.

I’ve got to go find some dinner, and then I have to find a warehouse space, and an inventory, and a plan for the next phase of my life that will allow me to pay for my kids to go to college and maybe one day to be able to retire to Florida with my cute husband. nbd.

 

xoxo

 

scratching my feelings. new year same me edition.

turns out that not working hasn’t cured my anxiety. I didn’t think it would, I don’t have a paycheck right now and that’s stressful, I have a massive trade show to go to next week and THAT is stressful, I don’t have business cards, my company isn’t actually incorporated yet, I didn’t bring businessy clothes with me on this trip…

I napped for a solid 4 hours today but since I woke up my watch has told me to start concentrating on my breathing at least three times.

coloring for stress relief seems like a good idea until I sit down with my tin of sharpened pencils and my very elaborate coloring book patterns. then I remember that a giant part of my anxiety is DEFINITELY related to decision fatigue and having to choose colors, and a pattern, and making sure I don’t screw up the pattern or make sure that the colors that will eventually meet up aren’t going to clash or be too close or, or, or… does anyone want any coloring books? because I have a few I will NEVER use.

enter Facebook targeted advertising.

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magic fricking scratch-off art. it’s like color by number but by subtraction. and it is calming and therapeutic as heck. my oldest daughter and I took a road trip last week and I brought two of these sets and every night we worked on one for about an hour before bed and it was everything you want in a mindless activity without any potential frustration. losing puzzle pieces? no.  decided on burnt sienna only to realize that your mandala looks like a mustard spill? no. lost your scissors? realized you don’t know how to cross stitch? keep stabbing yourself with a needle? threw away the cord for your sewing machine? artistic collage ransom notes frowned upon? never learned how to make friendship bracelets?

get one of these sets. you’ll be so glad you did.   (that’s a link to get it on Amazon, it comes with the scratchy tool and a brush)

caveat – it does make a little bit of a black speckly mess but a clorox wipe and a paper towel and you’re good to go.

 

 

 

unrelated to the scratching art – but certainly related to the anxiety… I wrote SO MANY THINGS during my last week or two of work- (they threw me a taco party! I wore jeans every day!) but never posted any of them – it was a tough couple of weeks for me. I loved that job and those coworkers and that company. I had been prepared to make that job the rest of my working life and very quickly with little time to adjust, that entire plan was changed. so now I’m scratching my way to Plan B. literally, figuratively, emotionally… like the hot mess I am.  but for now I’m hiding out regrouping in my villains lair. -which is actually a great little townhouse in central Florida with my own tiny pool- I’ll tell you more about it next time.

in the meantime I’m going to question the life choices which led me to decide against buying a couple of bottles of wine while I was at Target earlier today.  their target has a straight up liquor store in it! never mind wine – I could be having a vodka tonic right now.

 

xoxo

some favorites thursday – miscellany edition.

(I originally typed: misandry edition. because it is the end of a very long 2018 so why not.)

1 – 2 – 3 – 4 ?

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ah – ah – ah

 

Imma stream of consciousness this post today.

 


 

this doesn’t count as a favorite…

since when is the green lifesaver watermelon? I bought my first roll of non butterscotch lifesavers in easily… I mean, when did they have the mini holes candies? because that long.

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1990. the last time I bought lifesavers was a hot minute ago.

 


 

 

but speaking of misandry (which is also not a favorite) – I had a whole ‘year of the woman writer’ in 2018. Not every voice was perfect but I’m OVER (over over over) boob-dimensional female characters written by men.

I got NO sleep last night because I couldn’t stop reading this book. It was ridiculous and as all over the place as this blog will be today. so it is fitting I include it.

Never AloneNever Alone by Elizabeth Haynes

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

(closer to 3-1/2 stars) I enjoyed this book, I stayed up until 2 this morning reading it, it was fast paced and interesting – but it was also incredibly frustrating. The men in Sarah’s life were atrocious, she makes terrible decisions, her dogs need leashes, her doors need locks. Beyond that though, solid storytelling with a likable, albeit infuriating, main character.

 



 

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I look EVERYTHING up.

before the internet I was a big fan of the card catalogue, the encyclopedia, the reference book. I need to know things and with this glorious anxiety the more information I have the better – how often should I blog? how do I blog? how do I say no to someone who asks to be a houseguest? what is a triple net lease? how do I tell my coworkers I’m leaving my job? what is the difference between an LLC and a Sole Proprietorship? how do I start an art collection? what are the hipster neighborhoods in Orlando? where are the best brunch spots in Orlando? when will there be a Chuy’s in Massachusetts? what information should be on a business card? how do you name a company?

see what I did there? I still haven’t figured out how to tell all of my coworkers that I’m leaving my job at the end of the year.

I love this job, I love this company, I love my coworkers. But it is time for a change.

I’m starting my own company, staying in the industry I’ve been working in for the last 5 years. I’m taking January and February off, I’ve rented a place in Florida for 5 weeks, and I am going to bust out some strategy in the sunshine. (14 miles from the Magic Kingdom because who are we kidding?) I’m freaking the fork out. But I’m 42 and next year both of my kids will be in college, it is time to figure out what I’m going to do when I grow up.

at least until I become an archaeologist.

 




 

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living coral. is it a color? a call to environmental action? the antithesis of the orange detritus inhabiting the white house? a reminder that the sun will come out tomorrow? am I reading too much into this?

everything is political. with the exception of, like, the president of the united states, he’s just a ruinous piece of garbage. Pantone’s color of the year was announced yesterday and even that announcement felt political.

From their announcement:

Introducing the Pantone Color of the Year 2019, PANTONE 16-1546 Living Coral – an animating and life-affirming coral hue with a golden undertone that energizes and enlivens with a softer edge. Sociable and spirited, the engaging nature of Living Coral welcomes and encourages lighthearted activity. Symbolizing our innate need for optimism and joyful pursuits, Living Coral embodies our desire for playful expression. #COY2019

I want lighthearted activity. Remember lighthearted activity?

 

 

brb, gotta figure out how to tell my coworkers I’m leaving the company at the end of the year…

xoxo

bucket-list my feelings. archaeology edition.

y’all. all I ever ever wanted to be growing up was an archaeologist. or paleontologist. or anthropologist. or a combination of those three. I didn’t, because…  reasons… some having to do with a super conservative upbringing where women have a specific role and it doesn’t involve digging in the Valley of the Kings. and also an enormous lack of self confidence. and a general fear of getting the thing that I want. and my college counselor telling me she would’t write me a recommendation to the schools with the good archaeology departments.

“why would you want to do all of that work, when you’ll know all the answers when you get to heaven anyways?”  (not a quote from my guidance counselor, just a thing I was told growing up.) but what the actual fork?!

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Photo by Simon Matzinger from Pexels

 

the point – I’ve stopped listening to MSNBC in the car, and while I miss Nicole Wallace and the righteous rage of Steve Schmidt I don’t miss the anxiety or Joe Scarborough’s pompous snark. So what have I been listening to instead? Glad you asked. I’ve been listening to National Geographic’s: The Great Courses.  Specifically Archaeology: An Introduction to the World’s Greatest Sites. Which, I did NOT pay 234.95 for, I used a single Audible credit. (14.95) And while I feel a little jealous when he is obviously showing images to the camera I also feel like I can put the $220.00 that I saved towards my Nile River Cruise in 2022.

it is a FANTASTIC listen, and one I highly recommend. Chapter 10 is “How do you excavate at a site?” and he goes into specific things like tools (Marshalltown Trowels, everyone should bring their own) to pick axes. (provided at the site).  at one point he says something about how his dig volunteers are mostly students but they’re not all students. sometimes they’re retired doctors or people who want to check ‘archaeological dig’ off of their bucket list. at which point, 5 minutes from the office, at 7:30 in the morning, I’m crying in my car.

I can do that! I’m 42 and the fact that I’m not an archaeologist is 100% on me now and next year we will have 2 kids in college so volunteering on a dig sounds about my speed.

You can come with me if you want.

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Photo by Frans Van Heerden from Pexels

Happy Halloween! xoxo

Three Favorites Thursday. v3.

This week has not been conducive to lighthearted blog posts. I’ve started a few but every one of them turned into a screed. A justified and completely logical screed but still… so so angry.

So today among my favorite things are the people who will stand between this administration and the people they mean to harm, the people who are speaking up and out, and the helpers, also teenagers for setting a good example of self appreciation.

 

 

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RAICES Texas and their Bond Fund.

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Donate to the fund HERE.

What is RAICES?

“The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services is a nonprofit organization that provides free and low-cost legal services to immigrant children, families and refugees in Central and South Texas.”

They are on the front line of getting these families reunited and with the summer refugee immigration surge just beginning they are needed now more than ever.

 

 

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Empathy, Activism, Protest.

Everyone is exhausted. Everyone thought that they couldn’t possibly maintain this level of outrage for going on 2 years now. And yet here we are. Marching, protesting, emailing our representatives so often that I just automatically recycle the response letters I get now. So many donations, so many emails from so many activist groups… it helps me feel like we aren’t alone, like these daily atrocities are not going unnoticed, unaccounted for.

I’m also a person who keeps rolls of stamps now because books just don’t cover it anymore. Because sometimes you can’t make a phone call, and a post-card sends the perfect little message.

Luckily I know a lot of creative women who have designed their own cards – like these:

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Polkadot Paper Company post cards can be purchased from her Etsy store.

and these!

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These are new and I am EXCITED. Get yours from Fisk & Fern here. (profits go to the ACLU!) 

 

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Finally –  National Selfie Day.

Girls are constantly being mocked for taking selfies, for sharing pictures of themselves, for LIKING pictures of themselves. How messed up is that?!  Now that our national embarrassment is an actual narcissist in the White House can we stop calling teenaged girls narcissists for taking selfies?

I get that women and girls are supposed to BE pretty but not KNOW we’re pretty, it makes us easier to belittle and control that way- but where’s the fun in that for us?

If you’re feeling your look, take a damn selfie, post it. Turns out not hating how you look is rebellious and incredibly political.

Why yes, I am about to post a bevy of selfies… (two with Manic Trout necklaces, two in Disney, one also with my new amazing Weighted Blanket which we can talk about later.)

 

Send a post card, be heard, post a selfie, be seen.

xoxo

I haven’t really been shopping…

I had to have a tooth removed last Saturday, so I’ve been sleeping as much as possible because I can’t eat anything good – and I haven’t felt like I needed or especially wanted anything.

Saturday I AM going shed shopping though – we moved to Massachusetts from Texas four years ago this summer, in Texas I had a little jewelry company called Unrepeatables and Unrepeatables had her own room in the house – It acted as a studio and I loved it, giant windows, awesome light. Rather than sit on the sofa and watch TV I used to spend evenings there, making things, watching TV… I’d have sales on weekends and was stocking inventory in shops and I loved doing that. Then we moved and Unrepeatables got set up in the basement. Which flooded, had mice, had spiders, flooded again. After the mice I threw away so much of my stuff- crying hysterically, hauling stuff upstairs late at night, throwing it in a dumpster that I had in the driveway.  I was pathetic but it was really sad and felt like the end of my ability to be creative in a space that was mine. The lack of a creative outlet has been awful but it is almost at an end.

So- a shed. In April we bought the house that we have been living in since we moved up here and we have a 5 year plan to make it super spiffy and sell it. A pool house was never on my list of things that we needed to make the house marketable, but it is a thing that *I* need. Between now and when we sell, the “pool house” will be my studio… and just the thought of that makes me so fricking happy.  Maybe SO happy that I don’t want to spend my $ on stupid shit I don’t need? I’ll need supplies soon!

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this is the dream but I have a feeling I’ll have to sacrifice the cute little porch.

The fun of this is that I HAVE been doing a lot of browsing for this space that doesn’t exist yet. My Pinterest board for this project is all over the place because I want to do ALL THE THINGS!  This tiny space will need to be a glass studio, and have a place for all of my polish, a worktable for jewelry making and sewing and I need a little sitting area so that I can have friends come hang out with me drinking vodka tonics. It needs excellent ventilation, access to a gas tank, heat and air conditioning and good lighting. So, just a couple things.

I’m hoping that Saturday I find the exact right one and can get it on order because I really need to make stuff! I’ve only been using my nail polish to paint my nails, and that’s just not right.

xoxo

PS: I’m wearing a necklace with a whale on it. I’ve got a list of things that I want to do this year and wearing something with a whale or a pig or an elephant on it is on that list. Learning to make school bread is also on the list.  Losing weight is NOT on that list in any form (eat healthy, exercise more, less junk food, etc.) for pretty much the first time ever. More brunch, less negative self-talk. Anyways, I feel cute as heck in my whale necklace.