if you give a mouse a poshmark she’s going to stop buying clothes because she realizes she’s GOT TOO MANY.
if she’s got too many her children will give her bags of their clothes because they’ve realized that THEY’VE GOT TOO MANY.
if they’ve got too many their dad will see what we’re doing and clean out his t-shirt drawer and those will go on poshmark too.
and the mouse will see that so many of the things she’s sending back out into the world are things she gave as gifts that didn’t have a ton of thought behind them other than just to BE GIFTS. People like picking out their own clothes!
which has made this Christmas shopping season an interesting one. I’ve been very deliberate, which in the face of Black Friday and Cyber Monday and every frantic, shiny, email in between has actually been really difficult. And maybe not 100% successful – I did buy a couple of things from Old Navy that could end up getting returned. But in the grand scheme of things I’m pleased with how this year and our relationship to THINGS has gone.
I wanted a new Christmas Tree – a 9 footer to put in the corner by my staircase but I read the piece going around about ‘the life-changing magic of making do‘ and while I found some of it to be a bit shamey, and excessive (I don’t believe in extremes other than where Disney is involved, it is a long-term side effect of having been in a cult, extreme behavior is bad), the point hit home that I have a TOTALLY DECENT and still useable tree.
So – booooo on that.
And because BOTH of my children are pursuing degrees in environmentally related fields, and because there is enough damn plastic in the world, and because I’ve watched the horror videos about Yiwu in China, where 60% of the world’s christmas decorations are made, I’m going to repaint the ornaments I wanted to replace.
So – booooo on that too. or yay, because I love a creative project.
And because of their environmentalism and a desire to stop putting literal tons of single use garbage into the earth I’m not buying any more sweater boxes to wrap presents with. And I’m using up my old wrapping paper because even the thought of THAT is stressing me out.
So – yes, a mouse with anxiety and children and a planet she cares about is going to have to start using recyclable wrapping paper – or fabric! I could learn to quilt…
if you give a mouse a poshmark she’s going to learn to quilt.
Despite my firm “not shopping” stance I have ordered 5 different undergarments to science out the whole Disney Parks Swampass situation when I’m there later this month.
So far I’ve ordered a pair of Knix, a pair of Thinx, a pair of Cooling ThighSociety shorts, a pair of UnderSummers and a pair of Drirelease TomboyX boxers, I’ve also ordered a pair of bandlettes for the non-undershorts times.
Knix and Thinx are technically period panties but I’m operating under ‘liquid is liquid’ an if it absorbs blood it should absorb sweat, right?
“But Erin” you say “you’re only going to have 3 park days!”
Yup, but (and since we are really oversharing right now) I usually change clothes halfway through the day because I’m a SWEATY BITCH and I like to be comfortable.
I will also be in Austin and Lubbock Texas, so I’ll try stuff out there as well.
SO. what else should I be trying? I prefer shorts since I like wearing skirts and dresses at Disney for air-flow but I’m willing to try non-shorts as well.
I feel like I should add a couple more Disney days… 😂
I’m not the only one with crotch temperature on the brain. The Bloggess is also tackling the science… Read it! (The science of crotches)
sometimes it feels like I’m Columbusing these picks…. I mean, people know this shiz is awesome, that’s why it is available, but *I* didn’t always know this shiz was awesome – so enjoy these brand new discoveries which I will name and personally take credit for.
TomboyX boxers. Gender neutral boxers in outstanding patterns and GREAT fabric. I bought a pair of these on clearance after halloween to wear under skirts at Disney – because if I can’t wear jeans I definitely prefer skirts or dresses and with my… shapely… thighs I need some friction protection. Normally this takes the form of Jockeys Skimmies which are pretty damn magical but I… and here you learn more about me than anyone needs to… I’m sweaty and I’m a bit of a prude who went to all girls school so I can’t wear skimmies without wearing underwear under them so there’s 2 layers under my skirt and twice the chance to get really forking sweaty.
annnnnyways. boxers. these are now my go-to under skirts and I managed to get a day in Disney in May while I was wearing these and they worked pretty great! I was still sweaty but I didn’t feel as gross. (moments ago I ordered a pair of Knix, I’m going to try those in the park next month, I could literally have an entire blog about Disney swampass avoidance techniques)
Yesterday I also ordered a pair of TomboyX drirelease performance boxers because I’m desperate. look for the update on those in the swampass blog sometime in August. lucky you.
also- I’m a big girl AND (I had originally written “but” here, as if big girls can’t have good asses, when of course we do!) I’ve got a pretty good booty and it looks BOMB in these. new favorite pjs. and the sizes they stock! they go up to 4X. amazing and inclusive. I love them. you will also.
use this link to get $20 off your first $70 purchase (which would make it a $50 purchase…)
I normally use Rodan & Fields for my skincare routine but while I was in Florida in January I took my oldest to Sephora to replace her face wash and she got this First Aid Beauty Skin Rescue red clay cleanser and it is amazing. I had to go back to buy myself one and I’m on my second replacement tube of it right now. So so good. Not drying but definitely feels clean when I’m done, smells really good, I love it. And it is available from Amazon, and also from Sephora, who has a great return policy.
and, while we are talking about products I’ve had for a while and only started using recently (like the boxers…) I’ve started using The Ordinary’s Peeling Solution and this stuff is LEGIT. I use it twice a week and can immediately feel and see a difference in the glow and texture of my skin. 10 minutes 2x a week, I’ve only been using it for 3 weeks but I’m liking what I’m seeing so far. Also I love spending those 10 minutes looking like I’ve just had one of those Kardashian vampire facials but with acid, and without the possibility for deadly blood borne diseases. win win. The peel is much cheaper at Sephora unless you have to pay for shipping – also if you can place an 8.00 Sephora order let me know – I have never seen such a feat.
go get that glow on.
being hydrated. my youngest is going to college next year. I thought it was hard sending my oldest to vermont, but now my baby is going to texas and I’m going to miss them both so damn much. so I’m crying a lot. and it’s leaving me straight up dehydrated. like, waking up after not drinking feeling hungover, dehydrated.
which is where water comes in. seriously. #3 is water. we have one of those water coolers in the kitchen with the 5 gallon bottles – and the water IN the bottles comes from a spring maybe 1500 yards from our house sitting beneath the oldest bottling plant in the US (Simpson Spring) and it is delicious.
though this is not about water – this is about the GREATEST WATER BOTTLE IN THE WORLD. (in my opinion) I filled it with ice yesterday morning and it is still full of ice this morning. I got it last fall when I was finally able to see Hamilton and have used it every day since then. it was FIFTY DOLLARS which is dumb stupid for a water bottle – or I thought it was – but I love a theater Merch Bar (<–you can buy it at that link if you want the Hamilton version!) and I know I’m not wearing all the t-shirts I’ve bought so I switched it up with the water bottle.
If you don’t want to spend $50 on a water bottle (and honestly, who does?) the non-Hamilton versions of this bottle are very frequently for sale for $25 – $30 on the S’well website. The sale items vary by season, there are some really cool ones right now, I keep wanting to buy another but I HAVE ONE, they’re indestructible, I’m not going to need another one ever.
I travel with this – which is funny EVERY time I’m in the airport security line as I’m chugging 17 ounces of cold water – but that means it is also my Disney Parks water bottle and in the sun the bottle itself gets quite warm but the contents are always cold. maybe I should get a parks bottle that isn’t black… 😁
and if you use ebates (soon to become Rakuten) please tell me you use ebates! if not sign up here (<–click on that) and we both get a bonus! The cash back bonus for s’well is 3% which is not too shabby!
anyhow – there are my three favorites for Spring/Summer 2019 – poor little abandoned blog.
Nothing says “Confronting your shopping demons” like destashing your LuLaRoe leggings collection on Poshmark. (yes, another poshmark post!)
Last month I set a goal for myself – I decided to set July 24th as the deadline since on July 25th I’m going to have to put my closet on vacation until August 2nd. (I HATE putting my closet on vacation, while I’m very good at going on vacation I’m not great at BEING on vacation- if that makes sense.)
I’m $60 away from my goal. I would be closer but I bought a couple of things for the girls. I’m not shopping for myself but a $6 Ann Taylor Loft Dress in the Texas Tech school colors isn’t something I can pass up while we’re starting to get the youngest packed. Lots and lots of red & black.
But I mean, I’m going to MAKE that goal, and I’ve set my next one to start immediately.
I rented a house in Florida again for January & Poshmark is going to pay for it.
Something about growing up Catholic makes me feel like I still have to confess everything. I’m not sure if I want penance or if I want the community of feeling like I’m not alone in whatever stupid shit I’ve done. Poshmark and this blog are both very performative methods of confession.
So thirty seconds of honesty – I’m in the process of listing 20-25 pairs of leggings in my Posh Closet. I’m not doing the math because I very rarely paid full price but still. HOLY CRAP ERIN. I’m keeping 7 pairs.
I keep writing posts and then not posting them. I’m not sure if it is anxiety or that I’m just boring the shit out of myself halfway through – but I do know I miss this – so I’m going to make regular writing a thing that I just do.
I want to write a book. or three, really. I’ve got ideas for 3 and I’ve started on 1. I’m very good at starting things, not so great at finishing and even WORSE at promoting things that I have finished.
so there’s that.
and yes, one is definitely a feminist manifesto for children about a flamingo, duh.
like I said before, my youngest child is headed to TTU in Lubbock next month. NEXT MONTH. no wonder it feels as if my meds aren’t working. that is FAR. my oldest feels far away and she’s at UVM and I can drive there in under 4 hours. what the hell am I going to do?
My husband (who I just remembered asked once years ago to be called Blevvins if I ever blog about him) and I haven’t been on our own since we were 23. I turned 43 in May.
it’ll be fun. but I’m going to need a coping mechanism that isn’t buying another 25 pairs of leggings or going to Disney. thaaaat feels weird to say. I’ll still be going to Disney, but the amount of Disney that I feel like I’ll need is incompatible with the fact that I’m still not making an income.
going on 6 months now.
hence the books.
I can’t be the only nerd to google “how many pages are in a children’s picture book?” “how many words?”
it is thursday, right? and no, I’m not really planning to talk zombies, it has just been a LONG time since I posted 3 favorites so it feels like I’m raising it from the dead. but speaking of raising things from the dead….
popular damn culture last week. between The Avengers: Endgame and Game of Thrones: Battle of Winterfell – there could be some, you know, raising the dead. kinda. but no spoilers. but the best parts of those two things weren’t even the big emotional moments – they were the BADASS FEMINIST MOMENTS. tiny tangential rant here – tell me that scenes with all women being amazing feels “forced” one more time. do it. (don’t really do it, I’ll stab you with a cheeto and then I’ll never talk to you again) Do scenes with all men being awesome “feel forced” or does it just feel like, I don’t know, EVERY GODDAMN MOVIE EVER? I’m willing to have badass women kicking ass feel forced until it feels normal. So hopefully those dudes will just stop crying their incel tears and start living in the 21st fricking century. Girls can run for president now and everything. Gee.
yesterday I mentioned a vision board and now I’m OBSESSED with having one. but more than wanting another physical thing in my life – knowing what my end goal is is incredibly helpful. at least with the peripheral things – the giving things away, the selling things, the not acquiring new things. The actual WORK, though? how to get there? scaring the shit out of me right now and also confusing me a fair bit. I am a little bit afraid that Local Solutions isn’t going to be the pathway to prosperity that I was hoping it would be. I might have spent most of today crying about it.
But the point- the vision board and Disney. the point was Disney, the point is always Disney. People make a living doing things that highlight their love of fricking Disney. How? I want to do that! How do you get from “I love Disney” to “I sell monthly boxes full of Disney Park Snacks for 60$ each”? It is genius. Because you know what you have to do to be able to sell park snacks every month? GO TO THE PARKS! genius. and I know Disney is trying to curb the Personal Shoppers but consider that as well – people are Personal Disney Shoppers. What the hell am I even doing with my life?! Not being a Personal Disney Shopper, that’s for sure.
Which brings us to…
there is a badass tattoo artist who is also a vintage style pinup jedi who specializes in DISNEY. FRICKING. TATTOOS.
AND. and. she (SHE!) puts hidden Mickeys in them.
so that goes on the bucket list immediately. look at her work. look at it! ugh. there are talented artists all over who could give me a great Disney tattoo but she GETS IT. because she loves Disney too. you can tell. also she has a giant tattoo of Walt on her upper arm.
and I’ll be honest, I cried so many times today I forgot what the third thing was supposed to be. so I’m going with two favorites this week. and considering that it has been MONTHS since my last three favorites post — two will have to do.
turns out that not working hasn’t cured my anxiety. I didn’t think it would, I don’t have a paycheck right now and that’s stressful, I have a massive trade show to go to next week and THAT is stressful, I don’t have business cards, my company isn’t actually incorporated yet, I didn’t bring businessy clothes with me on this trip…
I napped for a solid 4 hours today but since I woke up my watch has told me to start concentrating on my breathing at least three times.
coloring for stress relief seems like a good idea until I sit down with my tin of sharpened pencils and my very elaborate coloring book patterns. then I remember that a giant part of my anxiety is DEFINITELY related to decision fatigue and having to choose colors, and a pattern, and making sure I don’t screw up the pattern or make sure that the colors that will eventually meet up aren’t going to clash or be too close or, or, or… does anyone want any coloring books? because I have a few I will NEVER use.
enter Facebook targeted advertising.
magic fricking scratch-off art. it’s like color by number but by subtraction. and it is calming and therapeutic as heck. my oldest daughter and I took a road trip last week and I brought two of these sets and every night we worked on one for about an hour before bed and it was everything you want in a mindless activity without any potential frustration. losing puzzle pieces? no. decided on burnt sienna only to realize that your mandala looks like a mustard spill? no. lost your scissors? realized you don’t know how to cross stitch? keep stabbing yourself with a needle? threw away the cord for your sewing machine? artistic collage ransom notes frowned upon? never learned how to make friendship bracelets?
caveat – it does make a little bit of a black speckly mess but a clorox wipe and a paper towel and you’re good to go.
unrelated to the scratching art – but certainly related to the anxiety… I wrote SO MANY THINGS during my last week or two of work- (they threw me a taco party! I wore jeans every day!) but never posted any of them – it was a tough couple of weeks for me. I loved that job and those coworkers and that company. I had been prepared to make that job the rest of my working life and very quickly with little time to adjust, that entire plan was changed. so now I’m scratching my way to Plan B. literally, figuratively, emotionally… like the hot mess I am. but for now I’m hiding out regrouping in my villains lair. -which is actually a great little townhouse in central Florida with my own tiny pool- I’ll tell you more about it next time.
in the meantime I’m going to question the life choices which led me to decide against buying a couple of bottles of wine while I was at Target earlier today. their target has a straight up liquor store in it! never mind wine – I could be having a vodka tonic right now.
It’s weird to get to a place where you don’t want anything. but I don’t. I don’t want a single thing. I have EVERYTHING I need. I have MORE THAN I NEED. I am getting rid of things at a steady pace.
part of the particular nature/nurture strain of anxiety/depression that I inherited from my father leads to purging. I try to be very conscious of what I get rid of because I want to make sure I have art my kids made in kindergarten, or baby photos, or my husband’s letterman jacket. dad was a reckless purger so there are things from my childhood that I would have preferred to not end up in a dumpster while I was in college… like anything from my childhood. Ten points to the X-ers in charge of our entertainment, because I can at least have NEW things of whatever things I don’t have from my childhood. Jem? Good Luck Bear? A Vintage style My Little Pony? A fricking Zoom birthday record?! They exist again and I could have all of those things.
but I don’t want them.
so right, while the holidays approach, and Winter is Coming, and I really want to start getting my house renovated, and things are happening in my professional life that I can’t/haven’t told everyone about yet… I’m fucking stressed out. I’m also really fucking depressed. I said that out loud to myself in the car the other day. “I am really fucking depressed” and the moment of acknowledging my feelings for what they are… it helped. I mean, Wellbutrin helps more, but recognition is important.
and I need to get a dumpster which currently has me REALLY worried because I do want to get rid of every.fucking.thing. in my house.
I speak only for myself and my own experiences with depression but if I had to make a list of things I “want” or “need” for Christmas right now they would include: socks, a throw blanket or four, a magically clean kitchen and front hallway unaccompanied by the sounds of angry cleaning, new toss pillows for the couch, cake, dark curtains in my bedroom for naps, naps, for my house to smell like a Christmas tree, candles in every room, having the dining room table completely clear… chocolate. See’s or Phillip’s Candy House especially. The soft ones with fruity creme centers. Or a trip to Disney. But mostly I need Hygge.
my dad loves convenience stores, his dad did too. They’re open on holidays, some are open 24 hours, they all have news papers and Life Savers and their milk and bread are usually delivered more frequently than they are to the grocery store. Our milk ALWAYS came from the convenience store. I also love them, because I love fountain soda – and other than McDonalds, 7-11 usually has the BEST fountain soda. also I love snacks.
when I was a kid he’d tell me I could have candy if I could decide *right now* so sometimes I didn’t get candy because I’M THE WORST AT DECISIONS. Also, I love him, but patience isn’t a thing he’s known for. I get that from him too. I go from zero to WHAT THE FORK?!!! in 6 seconds or less. My lack of decisiveness isn’t Chidi level bad but I’m constantly second guessing myself. Anyways. I want an Away Suitcase (I love shit that gets hyped on instagram, and so far have not been led astray) Annnnnyways (again) They have these collaborations that sell out SO FAST and I want one of those but the next day they’re gone. So I have to decide that I 245 dollars love something split second and that is hard for me. I don’t think I 245 dollars love anything at first sight. But their genius marketing requires that kind of decision making which works in direct opposition to my anxiety.
I have spent HOURS researching what people say about them, does the Bigger Carry-on fit in a JetBlue overhead bin? (seems to) Does the battery actually charge 5x? (seems to) Do they actually fit all that much? (seem to) Am I going to be one of those people dragging a suitcase with a broken wheel? (seems not)
and during that time collaborations have come and gone. The one I’m saddest about I didn’t even KNOW about before it had already sold out. Endor (the green one) was MADE FOR ME. #returnofthejedi4lyfe
they have nine solid every day colors, but… eh? They did a collaboration with Dwayne Wade that included a WINE SUITCASE. Do I need that? no, I wouldn’t have bought it, but I DID like the Bigger Carryon in two tones of blue with a cool liner.
they even did a Minions collaboration! Would I have bought a 245 dollar thing to troll my children with? Probably not. But maybe… but probably not.
Rashida Jones did a collaboration. Her colors were good. That one happened before I realized that I wanted one…
Which leads me to Violet. Violet released yesterday and is still available today! So now, like a jackass, I’m going to “zen of shopping” it and say… if it’s still available tomorrow I’ll get it. Which I probably won’t, because 245 seems like A LOT to spend…
We moved our oldest into her dorm yesterday. And on Thursday our youngest starts her senior year of high school. I should never shop again with the tuition payments I have to look forward to but I pretty much bought the internet last week – so this week I’m not buying anything.
But if I were, here’s what I’d get:
I have these boots in black suede from last year and I think I wore them 3 days a week. From my maternal grandmother I inherited the calves of a professional soccer player, she loved her giant calves, I struggle with feelings about my own but I’m trying- they work hard and let me walk super fast. But they make it hard to find boots, I’d rather shop for a bathing suit than a pair of boots. I get sweaty and cranky. So I usually wear ankle boots. But the Calypso boot changed all that. Look at that stretchy back panel – I love these so much! And this year they’re in leather! I need them.
Just not today. (I did put them into a shopping cart on Friday though, and have gotten a couple of emails from Sole Society with coupons to get me to pull the trigger. We are at 15% right now, it gets to 20% I might not be able to control myself…)
Having a fight or flight reaction that leads to lots of shopping AND the mass ingestion of Haribo Berries – is not doing my wallet or my blood sugar any favors.
But speaking of eating my feelings, I would also have bought myself a couple of boxes of See’s Vanilla Chocolate Chip chocolates. “but Erin, they’re only 5.99” you’re adorable, I’d get at least 2, and while I was there I’d probably put together a custom 2 pound box. and did you know that you can buy bags of baking chocolate chips? because you can. And just like that…
…I’ve spent 115$ on chocolates.
The end of summer is an inevitability. Boots and cute jackets make the 45 minutes that is the Fall season much easier to accept. HOW CUTE IS THIS JACKET from Torrid?! I love it. And on sale. And faux leather, so when fall gets rainy (like it does) or snowy (because New England) you can wear it without worrying that you’re going to turn into your very own Seinfeld episode.
Yesterday I got an email from Universal Standard (yep, that’s a referral link) to tell me they’d launched a few new dresses that have my damn name ALL OVER THEM. I really really want this dress.
Because HELLO perfect perfect dress. Which at $80 is 1/3 the price of similar Eileen Fisher dresses.
There were more things, I put at least three other things in shopping carts across the internet today, but I don’t remember any of them, so I’m glad I didn’t actually get them!
Two things I DID buy though – I got a copy of Still Lives by Maria Hummel which I am very excited to read. I’m usually anti book-club-books because of the Cult of Oprah and her books all being ‘tragic stories of the triumph of the human spirit’. NO. get away from me with that. But the books that Reece Witherspoon has been scooping up to turn into movies and shows have been awesome. So I’m giving this one a shot. I’ve been ALL ABOUT books written by women, and thrillers. So you should read it with me and we can talk about it later. But not like a book-club because my brain will turn the read into homework.
And I also bought a digital copy of Oceans 8. Because of Cate Blanchett’s wardrobe. And Awkwafina. and my deep abiding love for Sandra Bullock movies. And the whole cast is flawless. I enjoyed it very much. It got shit reviews and yeah, I’m going to say that a great deal of that is just bullshit sexism. So watch it, it’ll be fun.
My goal is not to be my children’s best friend, but to raise them to be the kind of humans I would WANT to be friends with. Then other people will want to be friends with them, and they won’t traumatize my grandchildren by making them dress like extras from Little House on the Prairie. (Strangely specific right? I wish I had photos. But also I’m glad I don’t have photos.) Also I hope never to cause my children to need anti anxiety medication before they visit me. Some days that feels like a lofty goal, I can be a lot.
I made brunch reservations for today. We went to our favorite steak place in the city. The service was terrible but the meal DEFINITELY tasted better than having to clean the kitchen after Breakfast in Bed. It’s the little things.
Mother’s Day is a weird day for me, two weeks beforehand the memes about how amazing and perfect your mother is start going around, this year there was one about how your mother’s voice works on your brain the same way anti anxiety medication does. *blink*blink* A mother wrote that shit FOR SURE and her children probably feel the same way I do about it. This is my second blog post so I’m not going into my relationship with my mother yet.
Brunch means I get to dress up! I got a pretty great dress in one of my Trunk Club trunks. (I’ve got another trunk coming this week, when it gets here I’ll go into it a bit more.) It isn’t black- and it looks killer on. (this is not a photo of me, this is the photo from the Nordstrom website.) My shopper is Courtney, and Courtney chooses things for me that I would almost never choose for myself and I love that.
Annnnnnyway. Regardless of your relationship with motherhood I hope you are able to enjoy today for what it is, a day where you should be able to watch Thor Ragnarok for the 26th time without getting any crap about it from anyone in your house.