Pretending to Shop.

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Not my front door. (but a reasonable facsimile)

We moved our oldest into her dorm yesterday. And on Thursday our youngest starts her senior year of high school. I should never shop again with the tuition payments I have to look forward to but I pretty much bought the internet last week – so this week I’m not buying anything.

But if I were, here’s what I’d get:

boots

I have these boots in black suede from last year and I think I wore them 3 days a week. From my maternal grandmother I inherited the calves of a professional soccer player, she loved her giant calves, I struggle with feelings about my own but I’m trying- they work hard and let me walk super fast. But they make it hard to find boots, I’d rather shop for a bathing suit than a pair of boots. I get sweaty and cranky. So I usually wear ankle boots. But the Calypso boot changed all that.  Look at that stretchy back panel – I love these so much! And this year they’re in leather! I need them.

Just not today. (I did put them into a shopping cart on Friday though, and have gotten a couple of emails from Sole Society with coupons to get me to pull the trigger. We are at 15% right now, it gets to 20% I might not be able to control myself…)

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Having a fight or flight reaction that leads to lots of shopping AND the mass ingestion of Haribo Berries – is not doing my wallet or my blood sugar any favors.

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But speaking of eating my feelings, I would also have bought myself a couple of boxes of See’s Vanilla Chocolate Chip chocolates. “but Erin, they’re only 5.99”  you’re adorable, I’d get at least 2, and while I was there I’d probably put together a custom 2 pound box. and did you know that you can buy bags of baking chocolate chips? because you can. And just like that…

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…I’ve spent 115$ on chocolates.

The end of summer is an inevitability. Boots and cute jackets make the 45 minutes that is the Fall season much easier to accept. HOW CUTE IS THIS JACKET from Torrid?! I love it. And on sale. And faux leather, so when fall gets rainy (like it does) or snowy (because New England) you can wear it without worrying that you’re going to turn into your very own Seinfeld episode.

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Yesterday I got an email from Universal Standard (yep, that’s a referral link) to tell me they’d launched a few new dresses that have my damn name ALL OVER THEM. I really really want this dress.  

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Because HELLO perfect perfect dress. Which at $80 is 1/3 the price of similar Eileen Fisher dresses.

There were more things, I put at least three other things in shopping carts across the internet today, but I don’t remember any of them, so I’m glad I didn’t actually get them!

stilllivesTwo things I DID buy though – I got a copy of Still Lives by Maria Hummel which I am very excited to read. I’m usually anti book-club-books because of the Cult of Oprah and her books all being ‘tragic stories of the triumph of the human spirit’. NO. get away from me with that. But the books that Reece Witherspoon has been scooping up to turn into movies and shows have been awesome. So I’m giving this one a shot. I’ve been ALL ABOUT books written by women, and thrillers. So you should read it with me and we can talk about it later. But not like a book-club because my brain will turn the read into homework.

And I also bought a digital copy of Oceans 8. Because of Cate Blanchett’s wardrobe. And Awkwafina. and my deep abiding love for Sandra Bullock movies. And the whole cast is flawless. I enjoyed it very much. It got shit reviews and yeah, I’m going to say that a great deal of that is just bullshit sexism.  So watch it, it’ll be fun.

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What have you been eyeing but not buying?

xoxo

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day. Get dressed up. (if you want)

a gorgeous bowl full of inedible beauty. might make a good face mask.

My goal is not to be my children’s best friend, but to raise them to be the kind of humans I would WANT to be friends with. Then other people will want to be friends with them, and they won’t traumatize my grandchildren by making them dress like extras from Little House on the Prairie. (Strangely specific right? I wish I had photos. But also I’m glad I don’t have photos.) Also I hope never to cause my children to need anti anxiety medication before they visit me. Some days that feels like a lofty goal, I can be a lot.

I made brunch reservations for today. We went to our favorite steak place in the city. The service was terrible but the meal DEFINITELY tasted better than having to clean the kitchen after Breakfast in Bed. It’s the little things.

Mother’s Day is a weird day for me, two weeks beforehand the memes about how amazing and perfect your mother is start going around, this year there was one about how your mother’s voice works on your brain the same way anti anxiety medication does. *blink*blink* A mother wrote that shit FOR SURE and her children probably feel the same way I do about it. This is my second blog post so I’m not going into my relationship with my mother yet.

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Eliza J Floral Bell Sleeve Dress

Brunch means I get to dress up! I got a pretty great dress in one of my Trunk Club trunks. (I’ve got another trunk coming this week, when it gets here I’ll go into it a bit more.)  It isn’t black- and it looks killer on. (this is not a photo of me, this is the photo from the Nordstrom website.)  My shopper is Courtney, and Courtney chooses things for me that I would almost never choose for myself and I love that.

Annnnnnyway. Regardless of your relationship with motherhood I hope you are able to enjoy today for what it is, a day where you should be able to watch Thor Ragnarok for the 26th time without getting any crap about it from anyone in your house.

 

I make lists, I love brunch, I obsess about things beyond my control.

I am Erin. 41 for 10 more days. Mother of two, wife for 18 years and counting. Survivor of two cults, teller of anticlimactic stories.

I make lists as a coping mechanism. I shop when I am scared or stressed, or depressed. Lately I am all of those things a lot of the time. Shopping carts across the internet are filled with things I will never buy- not all shopping translates into buying.

notebooks, Ancient Egypt and Pilot G-2 pens, a few of my favorite things.

A few years ago I would have wanted a blog to record my weight loss journey, to see how happy and fulfilled I would be as I bought a cute wardrobe of size 8 clothes. I still struggle with feelings about my body but my understanding of what causes happiness has changed in a real, fundamental way. I am a comfortable with my size 14 self who has given thousands of unfulfilled dollars to Weight Watchers, Curves, Planet Fitness, juice cleanses, lemonade cayenne diets, medical weight loss centers, etc. I’m going to keep that money now, thankyouverymuch, and I’m going to spend it on baseball tickets. Go Sox!

Sometimes booking a Disney trip brings happiness. Sometimes it is the rare, perfect application of eyeliner. I’m not always very deep. I avoid stories about the triumph of the human spirit like the plague. I love mystery novels, Ancient Egypt, soft serve ice cream, Wellbutrin and Xanax, tacos, Austin Texas. Everything is my favorite. I am moody and get cranky easily. I have a lot of opinions about things and this seems like a good place to put them, while also showing you the cool things I bought or the great sale going on, or the shoes I want.

So hi.