not shopping my feelings, stream of consciousness edition

If you’re ever sitting with me at a party or a dinner and I’ve had a couple of drinks and I’m rambling and nervous it will sound exactly like this:

 

I’m not shopping for things I don’t need, I would ordinarily also say “No Target” but I’ve been finding that my grocery store is really anxiety inducing for me right now, so I’m doing my grocery shopping at Target as well. So – I went to Target with a list this morning and bought ONLY the things on my list, I picked up Oreos and PUT THEM BACK because they weren’t on my list, it’s bullshit, next time I’m putting Oreos on the list. Last night I had to order some new earplugs and I felt a little weird about it, but I love my husband and want to stay married while also valuing my sleep and what is left of my sanity so… $6.49 at Amazon later… if you love a snorer I can’t stress enough how amazing these are. When I flew Mint on JetBlue they gave me a little pouch with some treats for my flight and they included a pair of these earplugs, (also socks, an eye mask, a toothbrush, toothpaste, face spritz and hand lotion) I hoard the earplugs like gold but I’m on my last pair so… I should also note that I’m really good at snoring, so when I travel I always make sure to bring them for anyone who might get stuck sleeping near me. is this a weird thing for me to recommend? probably, but this is the glamorous on-brand shit you come here for, right?

 

 

Sidenote that is a little more glamorous and also available on Amazon- I just noticed how good I smell and this stuff (Lalicious Sugar Kiss Sugar Scrub) is AMAZING – I smell like the Confectionary at Disney World and it helps my winter skin SO MUCH. My feet are smooth, in March!, it’s unheard of. I usually feel like I’m mid-mummification in the winter. (it is still very winter here) The downside is it makes my shower very slippery – so keep a bottle of shower cleaner to spray the floor with when you get out of the shower. it is 40$, which is a lot for a thing you’re going to use in the shower, but I think it is worth it.

 


 

I keep a note on my iphone with a list of things I’d like to blog about, obviously Disney stays on there at #1, because it is the source of all happiness. (for me, your mileage may vary, in which case you might want to get your mileage checked.) But this ‘not shopping’ experiment is also up there- as is selling on Poshmark – in fact “Poshmark to Disney” is #6. Our youngest daughter and her whole school  music department is going to Disney World for a series of performances in April, so Dave & I are going too. That trip is already paid for – but I have another scheduled for October and I’m challenging myself to pay for that trip using the Poshmark decluttering process. It is pretty motivating. It is also keeping me honest about the shopping cessation.

you know what ISN’T helping with the shopping cessation? Rothy’s. I got an email from them earlier with a $20 discount code in it (which is AWESOME, because their shoes are my favorite, bit I’m not shopping right now!) and then about 20 minutes later I get this email…

rothys
UGH. how amazing are those?! Thanks, Rothy’s.

 


 

I have an appointment with a lawyer on Wednesday to get the ball rolling on my new company! I feel nauseous I’m so nervous. it is like I’ve been out of work forever – and while I am LOVING being here when G leaves for school and being here when she gets home, and getting to spend last week hanging out with K while she was home on spring break, and being able to sleep until 7 and spending most of my day without shoes on… this is the first time since I was 20 that I haven’t made a regular check. And I know that starting my own company – it’ll be a good while yet before my checks are regular… but I’m ready to get started.  And I don’t have a location so… I’ll be able to work barefoot for a little bit longer. and if I’m barefoot I don’t even NEED new Rothy’s. right?

(sometimes *I* count the number of times *I’ve* said *I* and *I* get real self conscious about it… *I’m* not this interesting.)

ugh. Let’s talk about Shrill soon.

xoxo

scratching my feelings. new year same me edition.

turns out that not working hasn’t cured my anxiety. I didn’t think it would, I don’t have a paycheck right now and that’s stressful, I have a massive trade show to go to next week and THAT is stressful, I don’t have business cards, my company isn’t actually incorporated yet, I didn’t bring businessy clothes with me on this trip…

I napped for a solid 4 hours today but since I woke up my watch has told me to start concentrating on my breathing at least three times.

coloring for stress relief seems like a good idea until I sit down with my tin of sharpened pencils and my very elaborate coloring book patterns. then I remember that a giant part of my anxiety is DEFINITELY related to decision fatigue and having to choose colors, and a pattern, and making sure I don’t screw up the pattern or make sure that the colors that will eventually meet up aren’t going to clash or be too close or, or, or… does anyone want any coloring books? because I have a few I will NEVER use.

enter Facebook targeted advertising.

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magic fricking scratch-off art. it’s like color by number but by subtraction. and it is calming and therapeutic as heck. my oldest daughter and I took a road trip last week and I brought two of these sets and every night we worked on one for about an hour before bed and it was everything you want in a mindless activity without any potential frustration. losing puzzle pieces? no.  decided on burnt sienna only to realize that your mandala looks like a mustard spill? no. lost your scissors? realized you don’t know how to cross stitch? keep stabbing yourself with a needle? threw away the cord for your sewing machine? artistic collage ransom notes frowned upon? never learned how to make friendship bracelets?

get one of these sets. you’ll be so glad you did.   (that’s a link to get it on Amazon, it comes with the scratchy tool and a brush)

caveat – it does make a little bit of a black speckly mess but a clorox wipe and a paper towel and you’re good to go.

 

 

 

unrelated to the scratching art – but certainly related to the anxiety… I wrote SO MANY THINGS during my last week or two of work- (they threw me a taco party! I wore jeans every day!) but never posted any of them – it was a tough couple of weeks for me. I loved that job and those coworkers and that company. I had been prepared to make that job the rest of my working life and very quickly with little time to adjust, that entire plan was changed. so now I’m scratching my way to Plan B. literally, figuratively, emotionally… like the hot mess I am.  but for now I’m hiding out regrouping in my villains lair. -which is actually a great little townhouse in central Florida with my own tiny pool- I’ll tell you more about it next time.

in the meantime I’m going to question the life choices which led me to decide against buying a couple of bottles of wine while I was at Target earlier today.  their target has a straight up liquor store in it! never mind wine – I could be having a vodka tonic right now.

 

xoxo

holidaying my feelings – why is there so much crap in my house? edition

treeatnight
we decorated EARLY this year and I’m not sorry.

It’s weird to get to a place where you don’t want anything. but I don’t. I don’t want a single thing. I have EVERYTHING I need. I have MORE THAN I NEED.  I am getting rid of things at a steady pace.

part of the particular nature/nurture strain of anxiety/depression that I inherited from my father leads to purging. I try to be very conscious of what I get rid of because I want to make sure I have art my kids made in kindergarten, or baby photos, or my husband’s letterman jacket. dad was a reckless purger so there are things from my childhood that I would have preferred to not end up in a dumpster while I was in college… like anything from my childhood. Ten points to the X-ers in charge of our entertainment, because I can at least have NEW things of whatever things I don’t have from my childhood. Jem? Good Luck Bear? A Vintage style My Little Pony? A fricking Zoom birthday record?! They exist again and I could have all of those things.

but I don’t want them.

hygge
tea, cake, making lists. some of my favorites.

so right, while the holidays approach, and Winter is Coming, and I really want to start getting my house renovated, and things are happening in my professional life that I can’t/haven’t told everyone about yet… I’m fucking stressed out. I’m also really fucking depressed. I said that out loud to myself in the car the other day. “I am really fucking depressed” and the moment of acknowledging my feelings for what they are… it helped. I mean, Wellbutrin helps more, but recognition is important.

and I need to get a dumpster which currently has me REALLY worried because I do want to get rid of every.fucking.thing. in my house.

I speak only for myself and my own experiences with depression but if I had to make a list of things I “want” or “need” for Christmas right now they would include: socks, a throw blanket or four, a magically clean kitchen and front hallway unaccompanied by the sounds of angry cleaning, new toss pillows for the couch, cake, dark curtains in my bedroom for naps, naps, for my house to smell like a Christmas tree, candles in every room, having the dining room table completely clear… chocolate. See’s or Phillip’s Candy House especially. The soft ones with fruity creme centers. Or a trip to Disney. But mostly I need Hygge.

Hygge-2

I want Hygge for Christmas.

xoxo

 

Three Favorites Thursday – Austin, Texas edition.

Today is my Friday! I’m going to one of my favorite places to do several of my favorite things.

taco1

 

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All Tacos deserve their own book but this goes double for Breakfast Tacos.

Today is National Taco Day! I love tacos, tacos are my favorite. Breakfast tacos, Torchy’s Tacos, soft tacos from forking Taco Bell, Taco casserole, Taco Salad. Tacos win. Have some tacos for dinner.

Also get this book about Austin Breakfast Tacos. It’s important. (There’s also a book about Queso…)

I am so fricking hungry.

My super talented and creative friend Laura Fisk of Fisk & Fern is THIS MINUTE creating a Breakfast Taco tea towel for you to add to your extensive tea towel collection. (I KNOW I’m not the only one with an extensive tea towel collection… right?) Anyways. When she releases it I’mma put it up here. So watch this space. And in the meantime here’s Queso and Margaritas. Which are the perfect bookends for tacos.

fiskandfern-margs_queso2017

 

 

two22

austinmftexas

I want to talk about Brian Phillips, this is his sticker that I stole from his website where you can go buy one, or 7, and also some Beto Stickers that are awesome and ALSO ALSO ALSO.  He perfectly combines my love of so many things into his work. I have three of his “where tacos come from” pieces and they are fan-forking-tastic. I love art, I love texture, I love color (just not wearing it) and I love Tacos. All of those things combine to create Austin.

I love Austin, Texas. I belong there. Even through hundred degree summers I forking THRIVED in Austin. We are flying down tonight and I’m READY.

 

 

number3

There are so many things that could be #3 on this Austincentric Favorites list. Obviously my friends. (but I count them in as just being Austin.)  Pluckers, Jack Allen’s Kitchen, Deep Eddy Vodka… but this week it’s the reason why we are going to Austin.

ACLsched

Austin City Limits.   Three days, drinking wine out of sports bottles in a field. Where my friends are. And also all this music, and usually sunshine, and beer, and the most ridiculous food. Right now it is looking like it could be overcast and rainy so I’mma need someone to get Dick Cheney to turn on his weather machine and fix that shirt.

 

 

 

Three Favorites Thursday – distracted and anxious edition.

I’m waiting to hear if there’s a cement truck stuck in the mud of my backyard. We’ve had SO MUCH RAIN and they’re going to pour the cement pad for my studio today – and then the studio gets delivered tomorrow. And as of lunchtime, today has EASILY been three days long, with the first of those two days occurring between 7:28 and 9:30am. My right eye won’t stop twitching, which makes me think I need: 1. to relax because this isn’t my circus anymore. and 2. botox, because we all know I’m not going to stop stressing out, so the next best thing is just to paralyze those bitches into submission.

simplefavorI’m reading A Simple Favor, which I’m enjoying immensely even if the narrator is a HOT MESS. It is one of those “domestic thrillers” where no character is particularly likable. Our unreliable narrator is a blogger and a wannabe-super-mom who needs a lot of outside approval and I pretty much hate her and her blog and her writing style and I want to punch her in the face. So if you find yourself wanting to punch ME in the face you should tell me. I’m not likely to change my writing style though- this disjointed addiction to terrible grammar, loose capitalization, and incomplete sentences has been carefully honed over 40 years of desperately ignoring English teachers and refusing to diagram a single sentence correctly. Tense! Structure! Run-on! all the red pencil markings.

 

 

 

one

So today I’m calming my tits in my newest Thirdlove bra – I fricking love these bras. The lining is just squishy enough to keep things smooth, the straps are comfortable, they’re supportive, they wash well and they’re pretty. I have a few of them. (or 6, I have 6)  The commercials all talk about how women are racing home after work to take their bras off – this is not true in my case. I’m a bra wearer. I like them, I want the girls supported at all times.  Those cami tanks with the built in shelf bra? I love those for sleeping. Everything’s gotta be strapped in or I’m going to be cranky and then I’m going to sleep like shit and then EVERYONE will be cranky. I’ll make sure of it.

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it’s so pretty! 

Pretty sure this link gives you $30 off your first bra. Which is a pretty good deal. It also gives me $30 off my next bra. Which is also a pretty good deal.

 

 

 

twotwotwo

thegoodplace

HOLY MOTHER FORKING SHIRT BALLS, y’all. The Good Place is back next Thursday! (the 27th) Eleanor Shellstrop is one of my favorite fictional humans ever. She’s so terrible and flawed and funny and I really want her to get her shirt figured right the heck out. The first 2 seasons are available to watch on Netflix. The episodes are short- it’s a sitcom- they’re like 17 minutes of pure distilled 100 proof joy. The cast is outstanding, the storyline is stupid and wonderful and I love it.

Watching this show makes me feel better, it’s like a mini vacation from the worlds ugly bullshirt.

 

 

three3

Big girl pants! I’m in the dress version of Mickey Mouse right now – black and white polka dots with a scalloped v-neckline, red Tieks and a bright yellow necklace from Manic Trout. I love this whole outfit, it is fun. But most days lately I want to wear a pair of Wit & Wisdom AbSolution pants with a t-shirt (from Universal Standard), blazer and my Rothy’s. These pants are RIDICULOUS.

witwisdom

I know I’ve talked about these before – I’ve gotten a couple of pairs in my Trunk Club Trunks.

We aren’t allowed to wear jeans in the office but these pants are cut like jeans, and feel like the most comfortable pair of jeans- I love them. They’re even comfortable for road trips and flights and I might have worn the same pair of black ones every day last week. (I washed them, but only because I absolutely had to.)

Then this weekend I discovered that I own two pairs of the black ones, I’ve got at least 3 of the white, a pair of olive, some camo… I like finding them on Poshmark for WAY less than they sell for at Nordstrom.  You’re using Poshmark, right?

 

 

Here’s hoping the 2nd half of this day is only three hours long, and not several more days. I need Friday.

xoxo

 

 

 

 

three favorites thursday – rainy, fall edition

I’ve been sick all week with a cold that doesn’t want to go away. I’m not ready for the Hygge posts yet but I’m feeling a little pre-winter hygge happening right now because all I want to do is read and sleep and hang out with Dave watching Great British Bake Off. #MaryBerryForever

 

 

number1

Rothy’s! (yup, it’s a referral link, you get $20 off your first order, I get $20 off my next order. and there WILL be a next order!) shoes. I know. I’m a crazy person for shoes but my feet are giving me SO MUCH TROUBLE so I’m on a constant quest for the best, cutest, most comfortable shoes to unsquish my toes.

rothysThese shoes are THE SHIT. They’re made of recycled water bottles, they’re incredibly comfortable – like really really comfortable- the footbed feels way squishier than it should, they flex in all the right ways, they hug my feet without feeling tight. They’re made of recycled water bottles! I know I already said that.

These are going to replace my Tieks. I said it and I’m not sorry. I have 2 pairs of the ‘loafer’ style so far – these black ones and some leopard spot ones because leopard print is my favorite neutral. I went up a 1/2 size in them. Everyone says they’re true to size. Maybe I’ve been wearing the wrong size shoe this whole time?

They released a vans-style slip on sneaker today… I got some red ones. I have no chill when it comes to having comfortable feet! No chill at all. I mentioned these are made of recycled water bottles, right? They’re also machine washable. I haven’t had them long enough to need to wash them but I hear good things as long as you don’t put them in the dryer.

They are expensive. I think they are worth it.

 

 

number2

Fricking Starbucks Pumpkin Scones. Before Pumpkin Spice became such a thing Pumpkin scones were widely available throughout the year. Now there’s a whole calendar for them. (Do they still make maple scones? I used to love those too…)

pumpkinscone
breakfast of champions

Last year there was a shortage. I think I managed to get one all season and then they were gone. So this year I’m kind of a scone hoarder. It isn’t unusual for me to buy two at a time. There might be one in my purse right now. I have no regrets. They are delicious with a grande hot soy chai tea latte. (my Starbucks jam.)

They are much much less than a pair of Rothy’s. You should have one tomorrow.

 

 

number3

Period Panties. Fuckin’a I’mma talk about underwear right now.  I found these on Kickstarter. (I love Kickstarter for bringing me these, and Exploding Kittens, and my Heart and Brain plushes.)

Many humans who experience periods also experience bloating and general misery and a desire to be as comfortable as possible. Enter sweats, granny panties and braletes. Exit granny panties because HELLO period panties. These are comfortable, irreverent, hilarious and they check a number of nerdy boxes. The boyshorts are my favorites but they’re all awesome and you won’t be disappointed. I also love anything that normalizes this natural part of life that I was raised to not ever ever talk about. ever.

Shark Week. so good.

 

Speaking of things that are awesome. I have a grownup birthday party this weekend. I really really wanted to get her a badass Nerf gun. Everyone needs at least one, right?

xoxo

Evening Ablutions

This started as a post about stress buying nail polish. Then this monstrosity of a post happened.  So nail polish talk tomorrow.

 

Last night as I was doing my evening routine I was thinking about my favorite products and how I should share. I’ve recently gotten us Quip brushes and holy crap, nothing shows just how not-long-enough you’ve been brushing your teeth like a brush that goes on a 2 minute timer.  That isn’t to say I don’t LOVE this brush though, because I do, it is sleek and their packaging is among my favorite. I have a link if you want to give one a try. You get your first replacement brush head for free and I get my next replacement brush head for free. It’s a win win. And yay clean teeth!

toothbrush

eyemakeupremover

I’m trying to use up products before I buy new ones so I’m not SUPER in love with my eye makeup remover but I have some friends who swear by it- it is doing the job- I just prefer the Neutrogena version.  But currently I’m using Target’s Up and Up oil free eye makeup remover. The thing about it is, it works, and I go through less of it than I would with the Neutrogena, so it’s actually an excellent buy. (I say rolling my eyes admitting that… fine, it’s good… I guess.) But I’m still looking forward to going back to Neutrogena and I’m not sorry!

 

I’ve got 5000 different facial cleansers, or 11, but it feels like a lot. So the method of washing my face varies, sometimes I use Neutrogena’s Hydro-Boost exfoliating cleanser which is a recent addition to my cleanser collection, and I love it, everything from the Hydro Boost line is magical. MAGICAL.  Sometimes I use Omorovicza Thermal Cleansing Balm – speaking of a magical product. Remember when Laura Linney was doing the Masterpiece Theater intro? I was OBSESSED with her perfect skin and discovered that Omorovicza was the line that she uses. It is hella expensive and smells like 4711- the cologne from Cologne, Germany.  My awesome friend Leslee reps for Rodan & Fields and I have TWO of their lines, and love both but for evening I tend to go with the Redefine Cleansing Mask because I don’t have time for a Mask in the morning. And speaking of Rodan &  Fields I LOVE following up a clean face with a little microdermabrasion – my skin feels instantly smoother and less congested after.

When I’ve got a clean face I either serum or moisturize or both. Or neither, because I’m still learning how to adult where my skin is concerned, and that is one of the many reasons I will never have Laura Linney’s skin.  Also, would things work better if I were super consistent about them? Yes, of course, but we live in an imperfect world and I can be pretty damn lazy.

My favorite serum right now is Ole Henriksen’s Truth Serum, I use it morning and night and it smells AMAZING (like oranges!) and the texture is awesome, very silky and light. I follow that with a Neutrogena night moisturizer. I alternate between Rapid Tone Repair and Rapid Wrinkle Repair.  They both work really well and come at a very reasonable price point. ($17. each)

Finally finally finally, if I’m not passed out I slap some Treat Beauty Marshmallow Moisture Stick on my lips and elbows, and in the wintertime I also use it on my knuckles. It smells delicious and works really well. I go to bed smelling like a unicorn. I also moisturize my hands with The Body Shop Shea whipped lotion that I got for Christmas last year and liked enough to buy one to keep on my desk at work, and I JUST started using O’Keeffe’s Foot Creme, I like it so far, I can put it on and go to bed and not feel like my feet are getting covered in sheet lint. (my sheets aren’t linty but you know…)

 

Y’all. I got SO TIRED OF HEARING MYSELF TALK about 10 minutes into writing this. But I’d gone too far so had to finish. So there it is. The things I use at night, sometimes. When I’m giving a crap.

So- what do you use? Because clearly I love product and am always up for more!

xoxo.