Ok I don’t have a vision board but if I did *Live Near Disney* would be on there, just after *pay for the kids’ college* and *write a book*.
I got distracted by a Johnny Was dress. If I could be a style of clothing it would be whatever Johnny Was is. Lots of black with very interesting and beautiful details in brilliant colors- usually embroidered. Anyways- this is the dress.
I went so far as to put it in a shopping cart. Then I closed the window because who am I kidding?
Then I went to Facebook where it showed up in my sponsored advertising. Thanks for that.
And the next thing I saw was this cake from Hollywood Studios which is turning 30 today. And I thought, if I lived there I could go eat this today. (That was my favorite part of the 5 weeks I spent there this winter- the instant gratification was spectacular.)
And then (all of this happened in about 7 minutes.) I took that awesome dress out of the shopping cart and took another 15 things out of my closet to put on poshmark.
For the last 2 weeks I’ve been working on a poshmark tutorial for you, it is coming. I am easily distracted, and lately have been incredibly anxious. Like Xanax & cbd chocolates at the same time, anxious.
In related news- I think I need a vision board.
What would you put on yours? Do you already have one? Teach me your ways.
I am entering my third month without a salary – which is FINE – which is something I prepared for – which is something I signed up for – BUT. I’m still freaking the fork out pretty much 24/7. So that, combined with Marie Kondo, blah blah blah. I’ve never watched an episode of the show, I’ve never read a page of the book, but I DID stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night, AND, I watched a video on how to fold t-shirts, so I feel like I’m an expert.
Let’s get started.
I am a big big fan of purging things. I might like getting rid of things more than I like getting new things, which is good because my house and my anxiety are at peak shirt right now. also peak shit.
which brings us to Poshmark. which was once a place where I looked for 90’s tennis sweaters (don’t judge me, those things were hella cute.) but is now a place where I sell all of the shirt that doesn’t spark forking joy. every morning after I wake up I put a couple of things in my “closet”. it makes me feel as if I’m accomplishing something, and it is an excellent reminder each day to STOP BRINGING THINGS INTO THE HOUSE OHMYGODERINJUSTSTOP. Plus I’ve sold some stuff so… ka-ching. (here’s the link to my closet!)
and let’s be real fricking honest, I need that reminder because acquiring things is so fun. I need a hobby. I have a hobby. I need to get to work. I should have some plans and some direction in that regard by the end of next week.
I have to buckle down, and start busting my ass to become the person who has a very successful business and a great condo with a pool in Florida. I can see her, she DOESN’T SHOP UNLESS SHE NEEDS A THING. (I don’t make new year’s resolutions, but if I did, that would be a good one.)
She did, however, order herself some CBD oil because she needed that shit. Currently I’ve got a tin of Bang Bang Chocolate CBD Dream Drops and I LOVE those, they are hecking awesome. You should get some, you won’t regret it at all. Hotel San Jose in Austin has them as part of their mini-bar. One day I want to be as cool as that mini-bar. But, I am not going to walk around with a tin of chocolate in my purse all the time (which feels funny to say, because why the heck not?!) so I ordered some oil. We’ll see. I’m optimistic and trying not to use xanax as a regular crutch. so I’m getting a new regular crutch, duh! I can only work on like 17 things at a time, and getting to the root of my anxiety and finally dealing with it will have to wait.
so that’s where I am on this snowy monday. do you use poshmark? link your closet so we can promote one another!
It’s weird to get to a place where you don’t want anything. but I don’t. I don’t want a single thing. I have EVERYTHING I need. I have MORE THAN I NEED. I am getting rid of things at a steady pace.
part of the particular nature/nurture strain of anxiety/depression that I inherited from my father leads to purging. I try to be very conscious of what I get rid of because I want to make sure I have art my kids made in kindergarten, or baby photos, or my husband’s letterman jacket. dad was a reckless purger so there are things from my childhood that I would have preferred to not end up in a dumpster while I was in college… like anything from my childhood. Ten points to the X-ers in charge of our entertainment, because I can at least have NEW things of whatever things I don’t have from my childhood. Jem? Good Luck Bear? A Vintage style My Little Pony? A fricking Zoom birthday record?! They exist again and I could have all of those things.
but I don’t want them.
so right, while the holidays approach, and Winter is Coming, and I really want to start getting my house renovated, and things are happening in my professional life that I can’t/haven’t told everyone about yet… I’m fucking stressed out. I’m also really fucking depressed. I said that out loud to myself in the car the other day. “I am really fucking depressed” and the moment of acknowledging my feelings for what they are… it helped. I mean, Wellbutrin helps more, but recognition is important.
and I need to get a dumpster which currently has me REALLY worried because I do want to get rid of every.fucking.thing. in my house.
I speak only for myself and my own experiences with depression but if I had to make a list of things I “want” or “need” for Christmas right now they would include: socks, a throw blanket or four, a magically clean kitchen and front hallway unaccompanied by the sounds of angry cleaning, new toss pillows for the couch, cake, dark curtains in my bedroom for naps, naps, for my house to smell like a Christmas tree, candles in every room, having the dining room table completely clear… chocolate. See’s or Phillip’s Candy House especially. The soft ones with fruity creme centers. Or a trip to Disney. But mostly I need Hygge.
We moved our oldest into her dorm yesterday. And on Thursday our youngest starts her senior year of high school. I should never shop again with the tuition payments I have to look forward to but I pretty much bought the internet last week – so this week I’m not buying anything.
But if I were, here’s what I’d get:
I have these boots in black suede from last year and I think I wore them 3 days a week. From my maternal grandmother I inherited the calves of a professional soccer player, she loved her giant calves, I struggle with feelings about my own but I’m trying- they work hard and let me walk super fast. But they make it hard to find boots, I’d rather shop for a bathing suit than a pair of boots. I get sweaty and cranky. So I usually wear ankle boots. But the Calypso boot changed all that. Look at that stretchy back panel – I love these so much! And this year they’re in leather! I need them.
Just not today. (I did put them into a shopping cart on Friday though, and have gotten a couple of emails from Sole Society with coupons to get me to pull the trigger. We are at 15% right now, it gets to 20% I might not be able to control myself…)
Having a fight or flight reaction that leads to lots of shopping AND the mass ingestion of Haribo Berries – is not doing my wallet or my blood sugar any favors.
But speaking of eating my feelings, I would also have bought myself a couple of boxes of See’s Vanilla Chocolate Chip chocolates. “but Erin, they’re only 5.99” you’re adorable, I’d get at least 2, and while I was there I’d probably put together a custom 2 pound box. and did you know that you can buy bags of baking chocolate chips? because you can. And just like that…
…I’ve spent 115$ on chocolates.
The end of summer is an inevitability. Boots and cute jackets make the 45 minutes that is the Fall season much easier to accept. HOW CUTE IS THIS JACKET from Torrid?! I love it. And on sale. And faux leather, so when fall gets rainy (like it does) or snowy (because New England) you can wear it without worrying that you’re going to turn into your very own Seinfeld episode.
Yesterday I got an email from Universal Standard (yep, that’s a referral link) to tell me they’d launched a few new dresses that have my damn name ALL OVER THEM. I really really want this dress.
Because HELLO perfect perfect dress. Which at $80 is 1/3 the price of similar Eileen Fisher dresses.
There were more things, I put at least three other things in shopping carts across the internet today, but I don’t remember any of them, so I’m glad I didn’t actually get them!
Two things I DID buy though – I got a copy of Still Lives by Maria Hummel which I am very excited to read. I’m usually anti book-club-books because of the Cult of Oprah and her books all being ‘tragic stories of the triumph of the human spirit’. NO. get away from me with that. But the books that Reece Witherspoon has been scooping up to turn into movies and shows have been awesome. So I’m giving this one a shot. I’ve been ALL ABOUT books written by women, and thrillers. So you should read it with me and we can talk about it later. But not like a book-club because my brain will turn the read into homework.
And I also bought a digital copy of Oceans 8. Because of Cate Blanchett’s wardrobe. And Awkwafina. and my deep abiding love for Sandra Bullock movies. And the whole cast is flawless. I enjoyed it very much. It got shit reviews and yeah, I’m going to say that a great deal of that is just bullshit sexism. So watch it, it’ll be fun.
Y’all. on the 9th I had to have a tooth extracted and then this weekend I cracked a tooth on the OTHER side of my mouth – on an egg salad sandwich. So it was the tooth’s time to go I guess. So, I’m still not really eating anything delicious. But! Today someone brought a bag of fun sized candy bars to the office and there are Three Musketeers bars- which are definitely my speed right now.
So I ordered three boxes of chocolates from See’s. And technically I bought extra to share but I might keep all three for myself because the world is shitty right now and I’m a sucker for a berry creme chocolate. And chocolate in general. And pretty much anything I can eat without worrying that I’m going to stab myself in the gums or break another tooth. (my teeth aren’t all this fragile, just those two.)
I have no regrets, #becausechocolate
I got an email today with this dress in it. I’m not buying it because like I said – dental work – and also I’m currently pretending that I’m going to Egypt for 17 days in January/February. THOUGH. if I were going to Egypt this dress seems like it could be amazing with a giant hat to wear onboard the Sonesta Star Goddess as we travel up the Nile. Oh… I’m definitely putting together a fake packing list Pinterest board for my fake adventure through Egypt. hang on…
Anyways, like I said- I’m going on actual vacation on Saturday. I’m going to Disneyland! Don’t roll your eyes at me, I know I was in Disney World last month but this is different. I’ve never been to Disneyland! And everyone is going – Dave, the girls, my sister and her husband and my nephew, and the girls are each bringing a friend… it is a Disney field trip of the highest order. AND. we are doing a VIP tour because it stresses me out to be responsible for other people’s vacations – so to make sure we cover everything… getting a plaid. Wicked excited.
I’ve been making the same list over and over this week – tweaking it a little each time. But yesterday morning it occurred to me that I’m bringing a big-ass-suitcase because I’m NOT stressing out about fitting my outfits and shoes into a little suitcase to prove that I can. That’s not fun at all.
How do I pack for Disneyland? Is it weird that I’m looking at strangers’ Instas to see what people are wearing in their photos?
news breaks that Justice Kennedy is retiring and there goes all of my travel excitement and actual anxiety hits and none of this fun silly stuff matters.
I picked the wrong administration to start a blog about shopping.