not shopping my feelings, stream of consciousness edition

If you’re ever sitting with me at a party or a dinner and I’ve had a couple of drinks and I’m rambling and nervous it will sound exactly like this:

 

I’m not shopping for things I don’t need, I would ordinarily also say “No Target” but I’ve been finding that my grocery store is really anxiety inducing for me right now, so I’m doing my grocery shopping at Target as well. So – I went to Target with a list this morning and bought ONLY the things on my list, I picked up Oreos and PUT THEM BACK because they weren’t on my list, it’s bullshit, next time I’m putting Oreos on the list. Last night I had to order some new earplugs and I felt a little weird about it, but I love my husband and want to stay married while also valuing my sleep and what is left of my sanity so… $6.49 at Amazon later… if you love a snorer I can’t stress enough how amazing these are. When I flew Mint on JetBlue they gave me a little pouch with some treats for my flight and they included a pair of these earplugs, (also socks, an eye mask, a toothbrush, toothpaste, face spritz and hand lotion) I hoard the earplugs like gold but I’m on my last pair so… I should also note that I’m really good at snoring, so when I travel I always make sure to bring them for anyone who might get stuck sleeping near me. is this a weird thing for me to recommend? probably, but this is the glamorous on-brand shit you come here for, right?

 

 

Sidenote that is a little more glamorous and also available on Amazon- I just noticed how good I smell and this stuff (Lalicious Sugar Kiss Sugar Scrub) is AMAZING – I smell like the Confectionary at Disney World and it helps my winter skin SO MUCH. My feet are smooth, in March!, it’s unheard of. I usually feel like I’m mid-mummification in the winter. (it is still very winter here) The downside is it makes my shower very slippery – so keep a bottle of shower cleaner to spray the floor with when you get out of the shower. it is 40$, which is a lot for a thing you’re going to use in the shower, but I think it is worth it.

 


 

I keep a note on my iphone with a list of things I’d like to blog about, obviously Disney stays on there at #1, because it is the source of all happiness. (for me, your mileage may vary, in which case you might want to get your mileage checked.) But this ‘not shopping’ experiment is also up there- as is selling on Poshmark – in fact “Poshmark to Disney” is #6. Our youngest daughter and her whole school  music department is going to Disney World for a series of performances in April, so Dave & I are going too. That trip is already paid for – but I have another scheduled for October and I’m challenging myself to pay for that trip using the Poshmark decluttering process. It is pretty motivating. It is also keeping me honest about the shopping cessation.

you know what ISN’T helping with the shopping cessation? Rothy’s. I got an email from them earlier with a $20 discount code in it (which is AWESOME, because their shoes are my favorite, bit I’m not shopping right now!) and then about 20 minutes later I get this email…

rothys
UGH. how amazing are those?! Thanks, Rothy’s.

 


 

I have an appointment with a lawyer on Wednesday to get the ball rolling on my new company! I feel nauseous I’m so nervous. it is like I’ve been out of work forever – and while I am LOVING being here when G leaves for school and being here when she gets home, and getting to spend last week hanging out with K while she was home on spring break, and being able to sleep until 7 and spending most of my day without shoes on… this is the first time since I was 20 that I haven’t made a regular check. And I know that starting my own company – it’ll be a good while yet before my checks are regular… but I’m ready to get started.  And I don’t have a location so… I’ll be able to work barefoot for a little bit longer. and if I’m barefoot I don’t even NEED new Rothy’s. right?

(sometimes *I* count the number of times *I’ve* said *I* and *I* get real self conscious about it… *I’m* not this interesting.)

ugh. Let’s talk about Shrill soon.

xoxo

scratching my feelings. new year same me edition.

turns out that not working hasn’t cured my anxiety. I didn’t think it would, I don’t have a paycheck right now and that’s stressful, I have a massive trade show to go to next week and THAT is stressful, I don’t have business cards, my company isn’t actually incorporated yet, I didn’t bring businessy clothes with me on this trip…

I napped for a solid 4 hours today but since I woke up my watch has told me to start concentrating on my breathing at least three times.

coloring for stress relief seems like a good idea until I sit down with my tin of sharpened pencils and my very elaborate coloring book patterns. then I remember that a giant part of my anxiety is DEFINITELY related to decision fatigue and having to choose colors, and a pattern, and making sure I don’t screw up the pattern or make sure that the colors that will eventually meet up aren’t going to clash or be too close or, or, or… does anyone want any coloring books? because I have a few I will NEVER use.

enter Facebook targeted advertising.

screen shot 2019-01-12 at 8.56.22 pm

magic fricking scratch-off art. it’s like color by number but by subtraction. and it is calming and therapeutic as heck. my oldest daughter and I took a road trip last week and I brought two of these sets and every night we worked on one for about an hour before bed and it was everything you want in a mindless activity without any potential frustration. losing puzzle pieces? no.  decided on burnt sienna only to realize that your mandala looks like a mustard spill? no. lost your scissors? realized you don’t know how to cross stitch? keep stabbing yourself with a needle? threw away the cord for your sewing machine? artistic collage ransom notes frowned upon? never learned how to make friendship bracelets?

get one of these sets. you’ll be so glad you did.   (that’s a link to get it on Amazon, it comes with the scratchy tool and a brush)

caveat – it does make a little bit of a black speckly mess but a clorox wipe and a paper towel and you’re good to go.

 

 

 

unrelated to the scratching art – but certainly related to the anxiety… I wrote SO MANY THINGS during my last week or two of work- (they threw me a taco party! I wore jeans every day!) but never posted any of them – it was a tough couple of weeks for me. I loved that job and those coworkers and that company. I had been prepared to make that job the rest of my working life and very quickly with little time to adjust, that entire plan was changed. so now I’m scratching my way to Plan B. literally, figuratively, emotionally… like the hot mess I am.  but for now I’m hiding out regrouping in my villains lair. -which is actually a great little townhouse in central Florida with my own tiny pool- I’ll tell you more about it next time.

in the meantime I’m going to question the life choices which led me to decide against buying a couple of bottles of wine while I was at Target earlier today.  their target has a straight up liquor store in it! never mind wine – I could be having a vodka tonic right now.

 

xoxo